Harpoooons. Identify your target, raise the Harpoon and toss it with the precision of a snake attacking a beaver’s left sour toenail on a hot sweaty Alabama morning in September. Six mothofo’in seasons of the Harpoons. Well, five in the books, the 6th TBD. The action resumes this weekend, starting tomorrow with the Falcons taking on the Eagles and the Titans as 14 point dogs vs New England. Then on Sunday with the Saints taking on the Vikings and the Jaguars going to the Steel City to take on Pittsburgh.
Current Standings and Review
1st Place w/ 132.4 Points- Foon Dog (Sandra and Greg Santos)
This squad is looking fine and dandy with possibly the best strategic positioning. The team is led by 1st round Pick Drew Brees who has a great shot of taking out the Vikings this weekend. Follow that up with Derrick Henry who showed his coach Mike Mularkey that he truly is the best back on the team. Mularkey was running Murray into the ground and showing favoritism to Murray all year. Henry just needed the rock full-time and he will get another favorable matchup against New England. The key will be game flow. But Murray will catch all the dink and dunks from Mariota regardless. Two more excellent picks were Julio Jones and Mohammad Sanu on Atlanta who are favored to beat Philly tomorrow by 3 points. They also have Will Lutz another Saint and of course Willie “Make ya Bleeeeeed” Snead contributing a catch every 75 hours or so. The Saints are my pick to make the Super Bowl, so the Foon Dog is looking mighty good right now.
2nd Place w/ 116 points- Coin Slot (Espo)
The Defending Champ returns with another solid team this year. They have Matt Ryan, the Falcons D, Michael Thomas, Jerrick McKinnon and Alshon Jeffrey. Ideally they would want a Falcons run, but with Foon Dog carrying Julio and Sanu to offset Ryan, they likely want Minnesota to upset and ride out with Mckinnon. But that may cost them a money spot. Foon Dog also counteracts the Michael Thomas pick with their Drew Brees, Will Lutz combo. Coin Slot needs the Jags to beat Pittsburgh and have Josh Lambo kick his way into New England. At the end of the day Coin Slot is likely due for another high finish but in Pure Espo fashion will likely finish just outside of the top position. Foon Dog has him cornered in almost every direction. If you still haven’t figured out Espo’s nickname “Coin Slot” you better have it figured out after this weekend.
3rd Place, 102.2 Points- Hack (Rob D.)
Hack had a strong WildCard round with Cam Newton and Tyreek Hill, unfortunately with both of them going out early, he is pretty much done at this point. Both Carolina and KC had great shots to win, but ran out of gas at the end, and this is the fate of Hack’s team as well. He does have a very slim shot of possibly finishing in the money but will need three bottom role players for the Pats to emerge in Danny Amendola, James White and Kenny Britt, coupling that with the Saints and their Mark Ingram pick in the SuperBowl. Hack, however is likely already focused on Basketball. He’s probably watching the Rockets, Suns game right now.
4th Place, 84.5 Points (Pete)
Pete was also hurt by the KC and Panthers losses losing Alex Smith and Greg Olsen. But this team was crafted and drafted well, with some high end options remaining in Alvin Kamara, Martavis Bryant, Adam Thielen, Kyle Rudolph, Matt Bryant and the Saints D. Their path to victory is with the Vikings or the Saints. But there is Foon Dog again with them Saints, so Pete may need to root for the Vikings. If they can get Thielen and Rudolph in the Super Bowl, Pete will have a good shot to take this down.
5th Place, 70.5 Points (Dennis)
Another team that was well put together, headed by Big Ben. The Christian McCaffrey loss hurt, but at least he got a big splash on that 80 yard TD before he went out. He also has some solid options with Dion Lewis, Stefon Diggs, Tevin Coleman, Delanie Walker and the Pats D. Dennis will need a Pats, Steelers AFC Champ game to take this down, but then have to be careful if the Steelers make the SB as the person behind him will be nipping at their turnens!! Either way I see some good things for this team ahead.
6th Place, 61.8 points Tom & Rachel’s Wedding (Steve D.)
Tom and Rachel’s Wedding? Terrific name, highly original. The meaning behind it may come next week, if they are in the money after this weekend. The Two time champ is 70 points back from the lead but certainly has a pathway to victory. The Jared Goff pick proved to go bust thanks mostly thanks to Pharaoh Cooper’s turd hands, but they still have Le’Veon Bell, Steelers D and Steelers Kicker Chris Boswell. Also throw in Chris Hogan who is healthy and coming off a big Playoff run last year. Zach Ertz can also put up some points this week and Josh Hill showed he is starting to factor into the Saints offense. Dede Westbrook is another nice piece. They will obviously need the Steelers in the SB to win this and their is a good chance that may happen, but that still may not be enough for him to win. It’s all about putting up points!!!
7th Place, 49.8 Points (Frank)
Another team crushed by the Chiefs loss losing Kareem Hunt and Harrison “I take it in the” Butker. They have Brandin Cooks and some other pieces, but their is one way that this team wins it all and that is through the Jaguars. Blake Bortles, Chris Ivory and Marcedes Lewis will need to ride through the forests and get it done. This is very unlikely, but according to expert prognositcator and Harpoon Owner, Ken DeAngelo, the Jaguars will be meeting the Vikings in the SuperBowl, so we shall see. But they still will need Leonard Fournette to roll an ankle and Marcedes Lewis to have another 3 TD game like he had earlier this year. But the chances of all that happening is slim. And if that does happen, Ken will likely outscore him anyway. Frank’s chances aren’t looking so hot from my perspective! Him and Rob are currently projected to finish at the bottom.
8th Place, 48.9 Points (Kenny D)
Jags, Vikings SB he says? Well if that happens then his Leonard Fournette, Case Keenum, Vikings D, Keelan Cole and Allen Hurns picks will likely get him to the promise land. Losing Gurley hurt, so he will need this exact scenario to win this. Blake Bortles vs Case Keenum in the SB? The ratings may never be lower.
9th Place, 47.6 Points, Plunker (Joe Portman)
Joe usually has slow starts in the Harpoons, but then comes on like a bat out of Texas and finishes strong. With Tom Brady, a healthy Rex Burkhead, Latavius Murray, Ted Ginn and Kai Forbath this may be the case again this year. He will need a New England, Vikings SB. Another likely scenario. Joe has a a solid shot to finally take down his first title.
10th Place, 23.8 Points, ChaseManhattan (Chase)
It all comes down to Nick Foles. Foles will have to go nuts and revert back to his superb regular season from years back and lead Philly to the promise land. Then if he gets Pittsburgh in with his Antonio Brown, J.J. Schuster, picks, he will be looking really good. He also has Philly Kicker, Jake Elliott. But if Philly does lose to Atlanta, he has Devonta Freeman, so Chase has some outs here. He is pretty far back right now though, so I am not sure he can do enough to catch up. In this courts opinion Nick Foles sucks and Philly will be losing tomorrow, and Chase will finish somewhere in bottom 5.
All the best to everyone this weekend. Enjoy the games and stay tuned for a Championship week update.
Welcome back everyone as we get geared up for the divisional round of the playoffs. Hope everyone had a great week. It’s time to kick back and enjoy some great games this weekend. Screw the politics and all the banter, set that all aside this weekend, as this is what makes America great and enjoyable.
One round and four games are in the books with 7 games and three rounds left to play in the postseason. The Wild Card round provided slight clarity as to who really has a shot at winning this prestigious tournament, but so much can change still and it will only be after this weekend that we will truly have a good idea at who the true contenders are. If you didn’t read my post draft review you can check that here. Now we will get to a preview of the Divisional Round along with some projected scores and updated odds.
Bob Portman currently leads the pack after the WildCard round with 113.05 points and 6 players remaining. Bob’s team is solely reliant on Le’Veon Bell and the Pittsburgh Steelers winning this week and going to the promise land. The only other truly point producing players are Davante Adams and the Falcons D. If he can get all 3 of these teams to advance he is in business. The other three remaining players, Teron Ward, Chris Conley and DeAngelo Williams are going to give him next nothing.
Divisional Round Projected Score: 42 Points.
Updated Odds: 25-1
2nd Place is being held by Greg and Sandra Santos aka MamaBaDay60. They sit at 106.10 points with 6 players left. They got two huge opening round performances from Thomas Rawls and Antonio Brown and need these core players to advance. Or at least one of them. Alex Smith makes his playoff debut this weekend as does Cole Beasley, two solid selections. His other remaining players are Jesse James and Jeff ” My Mom makes one hell of a meatloaf” Janis. I like their position more so than RJPortman’s as they will move ahead of him after this round. I think they has a very nice shot to take this tournament down.
Divisional Round Projected Score: 56 Points.
Updated Odds: 10-1
KennyD was the brunt of many jokes around these circles including from yours truly after his surprising lackluster draft performance. But that all changed 4pm last Saturday as Big Brock Osweiler and Ryan Griffin got off to a hot start and then on Sunday when Randall Cobb finished with three TD’s. Ken has 105.10 points and has all 11 players left. But that will likely dwindle heavily after this weekend. Ken will just have to hope Brock gives him some kind of solid performance before he bows out this weekend against the Pats. He will also need the Packers to keep it rolling as he has both Randall Cobb and Jordy Nelson. Nelson will be out this weekend however, but maybe Cobb can perform for the both of them like he did last week. Devonta Freeman is a key piece that he will having going and his other two best producing players are Steven Hauschka and Steelers D. Lance Dunbar, Lucky Whitehead, Sammie Coates and Jermaine Kearse likely will give him less than 10 points combined this weekend, but you never know maybe Sammie or Jermaine come out of the woodwork somehow. While Ken had a good start to this tournament, Ol’ Gary thinks he doesn’t have the lasting power to sustain. But he proved us wrong last week, maybe he can again.
Divisional Round Projected Score: 65 Points
Updated Odds: 30-1
Frank Thoma aka Griplip is in 4th place with 98.25 points and 8 players left. Frank will need Seattle to win today and advance to the SuperBowl to have any shot to win this as Doug Baldwin and the Seattle D anchor the team. DeAndre Hopkins is going bye-bye after this weekend, but maybe he go out with a bang. LeGarrette Blount is the last main piece that he will need to remain and as this is the New England Invitational in the AFC, Blount will likely last all the way. But we will get enough points from the others? Jared Cook, Demarcus Ayers, and Justin Hardy aren’t going to get it done. He will need Cairo Santos to advance this week and have a nice performance. Frank needs a Seattle/Pats SB. It is possible.
Divisional Round Projected Score: 72 Points
Updated Odds: 15-1
Espo aka Zerooo is in 5th place with 85.60 points and 9 players left. Can Aaron Rodgers keep it going and keep the Packers winning streak alive? Espo’s chances rest on his shoulders. He also has Ty Montgomery. Dez Byrant and Dan Bailey are the insurance in case the Pack do go down. Paul Richardson had a huge opening round game and he will need him to advance as well.
Divisional Round Projected Score: 78 Points
Updated Odds: 10-1
DKDMoney, Dylan and Jake, the DeAngelo Bros are in 6th place with 75.95 points and 6 players left. They simply need a Cowboys and Chiefs SB with Zeke and Kelce. The rest of team is going to do next to nothing for them with guys like Terrance Williams, James Starks and Darius-Heyward Bey. The Texans D are done after this game and they lost their kicker and QB last round. Not a great introductory Harpooner for the young gunners, but they should get better over the years.
Divisional Round Projected Score: 45 Points
Updated Odds: 50-1
7th spot is Chase Licata with 67.90 points and 9 players left. Chase like Frank, also needs a Seattle/New England SB with Russell Wilson, Jimmy Graham, Malcolm Mitchell (questionable this week) and Chris Hogan. Well really he needs Seattle to go all the way because the Pats guys just won’t produce enough. Witten, Packers D and Nick Novak are his other best point producing players left. Seattle or Bust.
Divisional Round Projected Score: 70 Points
Updated Odds: 13-1
Swift456, Steve DeAngelo is in 8th place with 56.60 points and 7 players left. O’Dell Beckham was a killer as he was his 2nd pick overall and provided just five points. At least Jarvis Landry went out with a bang and 22 points. Steve needs both #1 Seeds to stick to the script and get to the SB as he has Dak, Cowboys D, Gostkowski, Dion Lewis and Danny Amendola. The only other decent contributor he has is Christine Michael. Steve has the most likely SB scenario so his chances look very good, but if the Cowboys lose this weekend he is done.
Divisional Round Projected Score: 59 Points
Updated Odds: 5-1
9th place currently is Evan Swalling with 40.85 points and 8 players left. Evan’s squad is heavy AFC with Big Ben, Jeremy Maclin, Martellus Bennett and James White repping as the teams best remaining performers. Really the only chance I see Evan having is if the Steelers go to the Superbowl. But that would likely be offset by MamaBaDay and RJPortman having Le’Veon Bell and Antonio Brown and already being so far ahead in points. Plus Ben has been bad on the road all season and is playing with a bum ankle because Mike Tomlin had him in during garbage time. Maybe he can squeeze in a Taylor Gabriel SB appearance with an explosion in points his next three games. Gary don’t see though. Reminds me I need to eat more carrots and bring my dear Mother to the Eye Doc tomorrow.
Divisional Round Projected Score:62 Points
Updated Odds 40-1
10th Place Robby D/Freehole23 with 37.70 points and 8 players left. Rob’s first pick Tom Brady goes off this weekend and should light up the scoreboard against the Texans. But outside of Brady where is he going to get points from? Michael Floyd? Tevin Coleman? Sanu? Pats are likely going to the SB, but will that be enough to get it done? He will need Michael Floyd to become a key weapon for Brady with the Falcons going to the SB. Coleman could have some nice games. Not sure he will have enough points when it’s all said and done, will see. It’s a shame he doesn’t have a K or Defense left to give steady producing points.
Divisional Round Projected Score: 50 Points
Updated Odds: 20-1
11th place is Joe Portman aka Plunker with 31.15 points and 8 players left. Right now Connor Cook is currently still the best 11 pick overall, beating out Phins D by .5 points. However that could change with CJ Prosise probably playing this week and/or Demarcus Ayers who has 3 points currently getting another 5+ points. This may be Joe’s only hope at the money, unless of course the Falcons go to the SB and he gets a Julio/Edelman combo along with Pats D and Matt Bryant. That a solid core 4 there and is better than most. It has real lasting power and that is the key in these post season tournaments. Joe is way down in points 81 points behind the leader so he does have some making up to do. Still we like his chances here.
Divisional Round Projected Score: 70 Points
Updated Odds: 7-1
Last place currently, although that doesn’t mean to much at this juncture is Gary Portman with 22.90 points and 9 players left. Gary’s team is all about a KC/Atlanta SB with Matt Ryan, Tyreek Hill, Spencer Ware, and Chiefs D. He also has some other producers left with Mason Crosby and C.J. Prosise who has a good shot at playing against Atlanta. If KC and Atlanta do meet in the Superbowl, Gary will likely come all the way from 12th place to the top of the heap. A Green Bay victory over Dallas would help tremendously.
Divisional Round Projected Score: 70 Points
Updated Odds: 8-1
Well that’s it for now, a little less humour in this article than in previous posts, but that’s only because sometimes the Harpoons is serious business. Can’t always been just fun and games. Everybody have a great weekend, enjoy the games, until next week this is Gary Plonderson saying, Sustain the Winds, Ride through the Fogs!
The draft was a success. We have some solid owners in this league, with a lot of experience. This is the 5th Annual King of Harpoons tournament and we hope to keep this going for the next century. The games start tomorrow so let’s get some post draft analysis, brought to you by the one and only Gary Plonderson.
Newcomers to the Harpoons are Jake and Dylan who ended up with Zeke as their 1st pick. Their overall draft was fairly solid throughout finishing with Kelce, Cooper, Manning and Sheppard. Their odds went from 25-1 down to 10-1. They love to claim themselves as the G.O.A.T without actually having any history of success or winning. Kids these days mehhhhhhh.
Another newcomer is Mambaday60 Greg Santos who drafted with his sister and fellow Kinnelon Native Sandra Santos. Their Squad is led by Antonio Brown, Alex Smith and Thomas Rawls with some Cole Beasley sprinkled in. They are hoping Jeff ” My Mom is a Irish Nun” Janis can be the sleeper they need. Santos has been new to the Fantasy Football world over the past 3 years, but since has been spotted studying fantasy notes for hours upon hours at his local Starbucks. The obsession has commenced and he has become a well informed and studious Fantasy Player.
The last newcomer but no stranger to Postseason Play mostly in NCAA is Chase Licata who is filling in for his old college Roomate and Harpoons usual Dennis Severino. Chase comes in with a quiet laid back confidence and likes his chances to take the league down. His team is led by Russell Wilson, Jimmy Graham with some other solid picks in Mitchell, Hogan, Witten and Zach Zenner.
Evan Swalling a former champ was not happy with his Golden Tate pick during the draft although two veteran Harpoons owners both complimented him on the selection. He said he wanted Santos. Will see how it works out. His team is led by Big Ben and the White Unicorn or whatever his nickname is.
Ken DeAngelo usually a very solid owner had one of the more disappointing drafts in the Harpoons 5th annual. I asked him after the draft what happened and he said, ” 11th pick happened.” Well no excuses Ken. Another league member stated during the draft “Ken DeAngelo knows what he’s doing right?, why is his team so bad.” We will not reveal that owner other than she is a woman. But that could be any on yous, so it doesn’t reveal much. All jokes in the Cookie Jar, Ken will need Devonta Freeman to get to the SB and the Packers to make a serious run with Jordy and Randall Cobb. He could also get a big two game performance out of Brock ” the 70 Million dollar man” Osweiler. Chances of that happening however are very slim. Good luck to Ken, his Odds have now dropped to 16-1. Maybe Lucky Whitehead will return a few punts and save the day.
Gary Portman the biggest sh*t talker in the league and self proclaimed Champion of everything including most doubles and triples in Softball that should have been Homers, comes in with a pretty well rounded squad. Matt Ryan was his 1st selection and he followed that with a KC theme selecting Spencer Ware and the ever explosive Tyreek Hill. As Gus Johnson says, Tyreek has run from the cop speed. Gary however does not. Gary came through with some nice selections in Aaron Ripowski and then again in the 11th round with C.J. Prosise who could resume practicing next week. Gary is a solid Fantasy Player and is always a threat to take down any league. He will be looking for his 1st Harpoons title.
Zeroooo or Espo has been a Harpoons member since the start if I am not mistaken. He is also a veteran to the FantasyPostseason site from the NCAA pools over the years. He hates this site with a passion and has nightmares at night about it after the draft. Espo always has some of the most Savvy Selections. He always seems to start out strong and finish in the money, but never seems to be able to be crowned upon the hill of majesty. Maybe this year he will be crowned Harpoons champion. His team is very good with Aaron Rodgers, Dez Byrant, Ty Montgomery and C.J. Fedorwicz who should have a nice opening round game.
Joe P doesn’t seem to be able to hit in Fantasy like he can in Softball and Baseball, but maybe I am mistaken. Maybe he proves us wrong here. Joe’s key strategy seemed to be to guarantee himself the 5% by waiting for the last QB and taking Connor Cook. However he will still need to beat out a Andrew Franks, a Defense and of course Jeff “My Mom Likes to make me WhiskeyCakes” Janis. And while Joe aka Plunker may have a solid shot at the 5% he also has a shot to take the entire pool down with picks like Julio Jones, Julian Edelman Pats D and Jay Ajayi.
Bob Portman who always has the worst internet connection in the league, finally had 0 issues this year. Last year in the NBA league Bob’s connection caused a squabble between him and Commish Steve D which led to some question of Bob ever returning to postseason play. However he is back and all is good.
Bob’s sport of skill may be Basketball where he has claimed a few titles, but has yet to claim any Harpoons. Maybe that changes this year and he reps the Portman Bros in 2017. He ended up with Le’Veon Bell as his 1st pick and followed that with Davante Adams, Latavius Murray, Matthew Stafford and Michael Crabtree. We like it, he will just need to put up some points before those Men bow out.
Robby D , Freehole 23, another Harpoons Vet ended up with the 1st pick. A glorious spot indeed. After some reports revealed by Getch Getch hoons from LionEaglenews.com that he was taking Le’Veon Bell, he ended up switching to the secure and pure pick in Tom Brady. After all the the AFC side does look like the New England Invitational. He followed Brady with Coleman, Miller, Sanu and Giants D. Looks like he has Atlanta in the SB. Robbie’s sport like Bob P seems to be Basketball as well, as he has claimed many titles in that sport, so will see if he can rock down a Football title here, Harpoons style.
Frank, Griplip, it’s not a Thoma selected LeGarrette Blount with his 1st pick and he smoothed out his team with Doug Baldwin, DeAndre Hopkins, and Seattle D. Of course Frank a bigtime Dolphins fan he has 3 Phins in Matt Moore, DeVante Parker and Kenyan Drake. Maybe Miami can go to Pittsburgh and pull the upset. But we do not forsee that happening. No.
Steve DeAngelo returns to the Harpoons looking for his 3rd tile in 5 years. He appeared to have a solid draft and will need a Cowboys/Pats SB with picks like Dak Prescott, Dion Lewis, Gostkowski and Dallas D. He also has O’Dell Beckham and Jarvis Landry, the LSU Boys. If he can get two games from ODB, watch out. Steve was the favorite coming in with Ken and Gary at 4-1 and now is the solo Favorite post draft moving to 3-1.
That’s it for now, expect a follow up report after the Wild Card round with some projected scores and updated odds the divisional round.
Updated Odds:
Steve D 3-1
Joe P 5-1
Robbie D 9-1
Espo 5-1
Kenny D 16-1
Bob P 5-1
Frank 10-1
Gary P 7-1
Greg/Sandra 11-1
Dylan & Jake 8-1
Evan 12-1
Chase 10-1
YES!! I am finally here, I know you have been waiting. Sorry for the long hiatus. I have been on a plethora of different excursions around the world and my Fantasy Writeups have had to take somewhat of a backseat. Travels to Monaco, Charlestown, Delaware, Ireland, Turkey, Bucketville, Horace Grants Steakhouse, the Arfin Trail, Geef Island and Sarah’s Ricotta Geel Rip. Safe to say Ol Gary got a fewwww items of that Bucketlist!!! It’s called living, try it sometime. But seriously, it feels good to be back. After my landing in the beautiful city of Teterboro on my private plane, I headed right over to Steve Sizziling steakhouse for a long dinner with some old Jersey Pals. That is why I wasn’t able to join you guys earlier. But I am here now ready for action, ready to attack like a Zebra with wings against a Lion for Revenge. Ready to saturate the market. Ready to Absorb and spit out numbers and facts like a 23 year-old Korean Stockbroker. Yes Gary is back. Yes Gary. Gary is here, Gary. Gary man. Ok enough about me, although if you want to hear more about my travels, check out Amazon for my new book, Travels Amongst the Furlong. Buy the book and get a free GaryWagon at GarywagonGary/Garywagon/Gary/YesIt’sGary.com. Put in the Promo code Chip Lohmiller. Ok let’s get to it, March Madness is here, simply the best time of the year. Pull up your trousers, adjust your contacts or glasses, watch with passion, watch with Zeal, focus like an Owl and get ready for the greatest tournament ever created.
*One note, I have no record of the winner in 2013. Whoever I missed in my title announcements, I apologize. And I may be off on some things. Feel free to correct me by sending a letter in the Mail to P.O. Box 467 Jenkins Highway, South Dakota. I am using an old history book that I found in my old langston walker briefcase.
Eric Probst aka Hield the Children
Eric Probst a Cuse alum and I believe former roommate in college of our prestigious founder and commissioner Glen Garvin, finally rejoined the fun two years ago after a long break. In his first year back he took down the crown for his first every title. He wasn’t able to repeat in 2015, but does come back with #1 pick Buddy Hield this year. Probst, a longtime member of the Capital City Fantasy Football league, recently departed after being one of the best owners there. So no doubt, from EP, you are going to see a sound and solid performance each year. His return is welcomed as he improves the overall competitive nature of this magnificent league.
Appearances: 7, Titles 1 (2014)
Best Picks– Buddy Hield (1st Overall pick), Danuel House (2nd round), Anthony Gil (3rd Round), Isaiah Briscoe (9th Round), Makai Mason (17th Round), Tre’ Mclean (last overall pick)
Anti Gary Picks– Jonathan Motley (4th round) Diamond Stone (5th Round) Phil Booth (10th round) Khadeem Lattin (15th Round)
Draft Grade – C+
JJ&Kowalski Aka Deacons
JJ a Wake Forest Alum, longs for the days of Jeff Teague, Tim Duncan, Randolph Childress. (one of the most memorable crossovers of all time) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRJMsoIptQo Wake has been awful of late. Maybe they should bring back Dino.
But historically and for the most part this combo has been pretty competitive and with Wake out of the tournament that should eliminate any bias picks. Kowalski hasn’t made a pick in 5 years says JJ, but perhaps he should utilize his partners knowledge. No I In team, but there is an I in winning? Kowalski looks like he was the original owner of this team back in 98 with JJ joining or finally being recognized in 2004.
Appearances: Kowalski 6 Solo, Kevin and JJ 12, Titles 1 (2006)
Anti Gary Picks– Jalen Jones (2nd Round) A.J. Hammons (4th Round) Jalen Brunson (5th Round) Trevor Cooney (15th Round) DJ Hogg (17th Round)
Draft Grade– D
Ray & Dusty Aka RazorSchmatt
Ahh, my favorite combo Dusty and Ray , Ray and Dusty, they go together like Cheetos and Wet Naps. Dusty also makes some of the best Ribs you will ever taste. I tasted them one time, after I did have some stains on the left side of my shorts, but it was well worth it. Those Ribs were amazing and I await the day when I can try them again. But this combo has had a very successful franchise in the Capital City Football league. The Duck won yet another title this season and are now tied for the league record with 4 titles. But this league is an entirely different story. O’Dell Beckham is not here to save them. According to my records they have yet to claim a title as partners. And many solo runs by Ray before partnering with Dusty were unsuccessful. Dusty an original member of the 87 inaugural season had three solo appearances in 87, 98 & 2003 that were failures before he joined up with Ken Sullivan in 2004. That lasted until 2006 without success and then Dusty joined with Ray in 2007 after some slight squabbles with Sully. What happened between Ken and Dusty though? Did Dusty see the success his Duck partnership in Football was having and make an executive decision, being the man of vision Dusty is? Or did somebody take a turd in somebody else’s pillow after a long, long night of drinking. Nobody may ever know the truth, nevertheless I believe it was for the best for all parties. But I have not seen all three of these guys in quite some time and I hope to see them soon.
Appearances: Dusty & Ray 9, Dusty (3 Solo, 2 with Ken Sullivan) Ray (6 Solo) , 0 Titles
Best Picks- Perry Ellis (3rd overall Pick),
Anti Gary Picks- Trevon Bluiett (2nd Round) Brandon Ingram (3rd Round) Jordan Loveridge (6th Round) Jordan McLaughlin (11th Round) Jamel Artis (13th Round) and the two other USC guys and Austin Peay guy.
Draft Grade – F
Steve DeAngelo & Dennis Severino
Always a dangerous tandem, Steve and Dennis went on a great run from 2007-2009 winning 3 titles in a row, something that has not been done by any other franchise. Steve who first joined this league back in 1996, at just 14 years old , but then took a few years hiatus, claimed his own title in 2004 , until joining forces with Dennis 2006. It truly has been a great partnership. However, they have not won since 2009, which is somewhat surprising, but not surprising because this tournament is very hard to win. Truly a league of extraordinary gentlemen. Usually playing the strategy of stacking a team or two and riding them to the Final 4 and Finals, they went away from that this year and only doubled up on one team which was a 6 seed in Seton Hall. We will see if this new strategy pans out. The lack of an overall stronghold team may have played a part in that.
Appearances: Steve 6 Solo, Titles 1 (2004) Steve & Dennis 10, Titles 3 (2007, 2008, 2009)
Best Picks- Brice Johnson (4th Overall) Angel Rodriguez (4th Round) Ivan Rabb (6th Round) Khadeen Carringon (8th Round)
Anti Gary Picks- (Landen Lucas 7th Round)
Draft Grade- B
Joe Grippo & Phil DeAngelo
Welcome to the Players Pool tournament Joe Grippo. It’s been a long time coming. After many appearances in the infamous basement watching the tournament, you have finally joined perhaps the greatest Fantasy Tournament known to Man. Phil DeAngelo who has had many appearances in this league, without any success at all, has brought Grippo in to be his partner and General Manager. Big Phil has had some solo appearances and many partners without positive results. One of his partners one year proceeded to take everybody from the Big East, that didn’t work out well. Grippo recently traveled to Florida to meet Phil, no doubt after Phil called him and told him to get his ass down there to discuss this partnership. On the surface it looks to be a great partnership, but we will see how Grippo’s draft skills fare amongst this skilled group of men. One thing is for sure, Grippo better “Move his Ass” as Phil likes to say or “He’s Gone!”
Appearances: Phil DeAngelo 10, 0 Titles, Phil & Joe (1st year this season)
Best Picks- Malcolm Brogdon (5th Overall) Derrick Gordon (20th Round)
Anti Gary Picks- Josh Hart (2nd Round) Daniel Ochefu (5th Round) Nate Britt (7th Round) Marshall Plumlee (9th Round) Derryck Thornton (15th Round) Farad Cabb (16th Round) and few more.
Draft Grade- F
Glen Garvin Aka Cooney Sucks
The Founder, the Commish, the only participant who has been in this league every single season since 1987. 1987, that was a special year. The year I founded the Pertin Institute in Rockholm, Montana. Unfortunately due to running toilets and poor funding the Institute closed down after just 14 weeks. Still, it was the first Institute of its kind to preserve ancient Corn Rock, once brought here by Christopher Columbus himself and later founded by his successor Blakely the Lion Fef the 34th. It is now a Arby’s I believe or a Sonic, not sure.
But the Founder has done a great job keeping this league going all these years, with passion and excellence. It truly is a joy for the members
Best Picks- Tyler Ulis *subconsciously wrote Tyler Cooney here, or it’s very late and that Steve’s Sizzler steak is fogging by brain. (2nd Round) Jaysean Paige (3rd Round) Tarik Phillip (8th Round) Wes Washpun (15th Round)
Anti Gary Picks- Peter Jok (6th Round) Abdel Nader (9th Round) Eric McCellan (17th Round) Tyler Lydon (20th Round)
Draft Grade– C+
John Donadio
I have to be honest, I do not know much about the man they call Donadio. I have never met him or seen him. He could be a myth? But one thing is for sure he has not been a legend. It appears he first joined in 2008 and has not a title. He is the secret man, he could be in the CIA? I don’t know, but he must love the game here and who could blame him. Could you blame the damn man? And he must have loved the game Oregon Trail and enjoys stacked Pancakes. But sometimes it’s better to shut your mouth then to be known a fool as they say. But no one will argue with the man who is behind the stage and yet still is profound, with fervor with glee, with strength, with a mighty sword to swing. Or it could be Jerry, the local Postman just delivering the mail again.
*Donadio is known for taking very low point scorers on high seeds. But the Oregon trail strategy could work, perhaps no team looked more impressive this season than Oregon in their Conference Championship blowout over Utah.
Appearances: 8, Titles O
Best Picks- Dylan Brooks (7th Overall) Chris Boucher (3rd round) Eron Harris (4th Round Jevon Carter (8th Round)
Anti Gary Picks- Jarrod Uthoff (5th overall) Melvin Johnson (6th overall) Carlton Bragg (14th Overall) Marvin Clark (15th Overall) Josh Perkins (17th overall)
Draft Grade B-
Kenny D
The defending champ and he’s not hesitant to remind you or shout it from the mountain tops, Kenneth severely needed it after a 13 year hiatus. Can he continue the momentum after last year’s victory? Or will he buried by the masses. Because turn your back for too long and your post is ambushed, taken, and gone. Kind of like when my Kid Sister took my Rambo collection and tossed it off the Briangton Cliff after I took a poopie in her shoe. Ken, an original member of the 1987 inaugural season, will be looking for back to back titles something only two franchises have accomplished in the 29 years of this league. Or maybe it’s 28 years, forgive Old Gary. Somebody please rectify!!! Either way it shows how hard of a feat it is here.
Appearances: 24-26, Titles 2 (2001) (2015)
Best Picks- Jaylen Brown (8th overall) Jabrari Bird (9th Round) Lester Medford (13th Round) Mo Alie-Cox (15th Round) Dyshawn Pierre (16th Round) Derek Walton (20th Round)
Worst Picks- Justin Jackson (2nd Round) Kelan Martin (1oth Round) Michael Young (12th Round) James Robinson (14th Round) Anthony Clemmons (17th Round)
Draft Grade– C
Mike Esposito Aka Neighbor Boy
What is this Neighbor Boy? I have not heard of this. I must have been in the caves for too long. Could it mean that he’s your neighbor? Or he wants to be your neighbor? Will he drop off Apple Pie? Espo used to be the one to bring the excellent Italian spread for each tournament that opening Thursday. It would usually last at least 3 days. Easily one of the most astute and knowledgeable members in this league, Espo is due for another title. He has not won since 1999. Could this finally be the year? Can he break the losing streak? It’s been a longggg time coming for Espo, and I will tell your right now, I may have others that I am rooting for more, but if Espo wins this I will not be a sad man. I will certainly send him some cherries and coins. Will a change come? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0k5rYcXLYg
Appearances: 18, Titles 1 (1999)
Best Picks- Jamal Murray (9th overall) Elgin Cook (2nd Round) Devin Williams (4th Round) Davon Reed (6th Round) Desi Rodriguez (12th Round) Justin Sears (16th Round)
Worst Picks– Robert Carter (8th Round) Jake Lyman (9th Round) Matt Thomas (11th Round)
Draft Grade– B
Evan Swalling
Evan, the last of the remaining 1987 original members left, has the longest drought of anyone. He has not won since 1988, the year he graduated High School!!! Mullets were still in style. Oh boyyyyy that is a long time. Espo is due, but if anybody is truly due, it’s Swalling. A former High School coach and most definitely a student of the game, needs to get it done! He understands the game as much as anyone in this league. But again, this is a very hard league to win. There are no keepers and players and teams change every single year. Is there a chance he wins this year? There always is, no matter how high the odds.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMRrNY0pxfM
Worst Picks- Luke Kennard (5th Round) James Farr (6th Round) Matt Jones (7th Round) Lorenzo Bonam (9th Round)
Draft Grade- C+
Ken Sullivan Aka CruCap
Where have all the Cowboys Gone? Rider on the Storm? Hot Blooded? Cherokee Rick and the 4 Horsemen? Sully started solo then partnered with Dusty then went back to solo. Kind of like a Rock n Roll band. He broke off the group to go solo in his own band. Baracudda!!!!!!!!!!!!! He claimed a title in 2012.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4nWy8pmIM4.Wow play that song a few times when you hit the elliptical.
Appearances: 10 Solo, 1 title (2012) , 3 with Dusty.
Best Picks– Wayne Selden (2nd Round) Daxter Miles (6th Round) Zach Auguste (9th Round)
Worst Picks – Jakob Poeltl (1st Round) Ryan Ardicianao (3rd Round) Kyle Wiltjer (5th Round) Troy Williams (7th Round) Lamonte Bearden (20th Round)
Draft Grade- D
Marvin & Davies
Marvin changes teams like I like change my underpants, once every 3 years or so. Marvin is infamous for blowing up the bathroom in the basement, perhaps worse than any other member. It has stained the minds of all who had to suffer through that. It’s very hard to track his membership. It appears he also takes a year off every now and then, although it seems like he’s in it every year. He has since joined up with Brian Davies, who was first spotted in this league dating back to 1994 with Mark “Rolls’ Werner!!!! Wowww. Davies also has changed partners multiple times. Davies is known for making contrarian picks and having them work out. No doubt he has a unique perspective on this tournament and I respect that. I respect Men who go from the norm, blaze their own trails. This seemed like an unlikely partnership, but it has formed. Have they found a marriage here? How will it pan out and how long will it last? Judging from the past, not long, but we shall see.
That is all everyone. Gary must depart now. I am off to breakfast at the famous Bendix Diner. Tell Suzy to send a letter and tell Rose to meet me in the back!!! Tell George to have the muffins ready and tell Lance to pick me up 9am Sharp!! Were headed to bet on some ponies!!! And then we will enjoy the games, just like the rest of you. I love it. We love it. Time to get sooped up. And so, may the best team win. All the best to all, to all the best. I hope to make another appearance somewhere around the Sweet 16 or Elite 8, we shall see. But after this weekend I am headed out once again. Out to venture. Actually, I am going to my Mother in Laws house for 3 weeks to help her build a oven. I hope you respect my draft grades. Ol Gary watches just as much as anyone and this is how I truly feel. Love to all. But I will leave you with this, to get you ready. From the great Gus Johnson, a dear friend, the best College Basketball announcer of All-Time.
Welcome to the King of Harpoons. You think your good? You think your powerful? Are you Obama? Are you Putin? Are you Stanley BentRod? You are now in the Fog, you must find a way out, you must Ride Through Fogs. You will not be helped, there will be no pity, you have packed your tools and now you are going through the forest in your vehicle of choice. Will you come out victorious? Or will you come out a piece of beat up lettuce? Time will tell and Champions will be crowned while the losers will be thrown off a Cliff, only to be mauled by a 600-pound Grizzly Beaver.
Hi everyone, I’m Dingles Batshit. Before you mock my name, know that my Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Grandfather was the King of Scotland for 49 years. Well in the play that they had on Thanksgiving Eve in the year 1478. My name means simply Great Batshit. My Grandfather was a crazy man who helped his people escape persecution from the Ethiopian Invaders.
Thanks Gramps, but enough of my story, Good Ol Dingles will be breaking down the Player Pool we have here in the King of Harpoons and the describe the current standing of all teams. My good Friend and legendary Gary Plonderson, who is traveling through the Bean Forest for the next 9 weeks has left with me with this Glorious duty, so let’s get to it.
Gary Portman holds the #1 spot after the WC round with 96.8 point but just four players remain. He was most notably hit by the heavy investment of the Cincinnati Bengals where he lost four players including A.J Green, Marvin Jones, Mike Nugent and Tyler Eifert. As we all saw, Cincinnati lost in devastating fashion after a fumble and two person foul penalties basically sealed a Pittsburgh win. The Bengals have been a hard luck franchise for some time and it continued this year. Gary is going to need the Packers and Aaron Rodgers to somehow make the Super Bowl with Gronkowski going completely off to have any chance of finishing in the money. But it appears the Cincy Investment will doom him, much like my investment into Canadian BeanSprouts which caused my Wife to leave me for a Jewish Pencil Sharpener Salesmen.
Projected Points Divisional Round: 62
Joe Portman, Gary’s Big Bro, is just 2 points behind with 94.2 points but with 7 players left. The Chiefs D was the star of the WC round for him scoring 33 points. Jordan Reed also turned in 28 points and it would have been huge if he advanced but the Skins much like the Bengals haven’t Won anything significant in a very long time. Joe will need a Peyton Manning SB ticket along with solid performances from Larry Fitzgerald to have a legit shot at taking this title. With the rest of the team comprising of Luke Goldilocks Wilson, Fitzgerald Touissant, Markus Wheaton and Danny Amendola, he will need Peyton and Larry Fitz to be the strongholds.
Projected Points in Divisional Round: 76
Matt Stone a former Champion of this tournament sits in 3rd place with 78.55 points and 9 players, tied for 2nd most. Stone is heavily invested in the Steelers with Big Ben, Martavis Bryant and Chris Boswell. He will need a banged up Big Ben to go into Denver and take down Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos. The team also comprises of Seattle D, Christine Michael, Greg Olsen, Charcandrick West and Andre Ellington. Ellington will take a backseat to David Johnson, but thoughts around these parts are that he may have a nice impact in these playoffs. Olsen in the SB will also produce a ton of points for Stone, so if he can get that Steelers victory this week he will be in fairly good shape.
Projected Points in Divisional Round: 87
The Eldest of the Portman Bros, Robert Portman, finished in 4th place after the WC round with 74.5 points and 7 players left. Emotions may have got the best of him as he went with his Favorite Team’s Emotional QB Kirk “You Like That” Cousins, while also selecting Pierre Garcon. The Skins looked to be in control after an early safety, but despite Aaron Rodgers struggles this year, the Skins D was just not good enough to contain him and the Pack. Bob def didn’t like that shit. But the worst part had to be seeing his kicker Blair Walsh miss a chip shot FG which was a pure choke job. After you watch that, you figure you are pretty much stuck in a wheelbarrow full of Wet Geese Crap. Bob will need Jeremy Maclin, Emmanuel Sanders, Spencer Ware and the Panthers D to put up big points the rest of the way. However, it’s not likely and the first round gamble of sticking with his Skins will probably prove to be his downfall.
Projected Points in Divisional Round: 56
Frank “it’s not a tumaa” Thoma holds the 5th spot with 73 points and 8 players left. Frank lost Teddy poufy hands Bridgewater and Stefon Diggs in devastating fashion and it would have been a nice bonus to have had them advance to the next round. Antonio Brown is the lifeline of this team. And despite reports of him not looking good for this weekend, Ol Dingles has learned that from his local sources that Brown will indeed play and play well in a matchup vs the Denver Broncos and their talented secondary. Thoma will also be looking for a Packers upset of the Cards as he looks to maintain James Jones and the Packers D. Frank also will need good performances from James White and Steven Jackson as they lead the NE backfield. If Antonio Brown can advance Frank will have a legit shot, but he will live and die with Brown, much like I lived and died with my Running Fade away, Left Handed, 27 foot, Three Point Hook Shot in High school. Here is a highlight of my students successfully attempting my hookshot in Thailand in 2012. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnM9VYeF9I0
Projected Points in Divisional Round: 68
Steve D the champion from 2 years ago, is currently in 6th place 38 points back of the leader with 58.2 points and 8 players left. Steve got a big advancement with Alex Smith and two Packers Davante Adams and James Starks pressing into the next round. Tyler Lockett moved on as well but was disappointing with just 4.5 points. This team is Broncos heavy with Demaryius Thomas, Broncos D, and Brandon McManus. The other key piece to this team is David Johnson. With a Broncos win and Cardinals win, Steve will be in a nice position with some solid point producing players going into the Championship round. Even if the Packers win he will be looking fairly good. A win by the Chiefs will obviously put Steve in prime position, but this team is basically reliant on Denver making a run to the SB. Steve is the commish and a good friend of Plonderson, so from my Family to his, Happy Freaking New Year Pal, hope to see you at the Eagle Conference in Idaho next Winter.
Projected Points in Divisional Round: 105
Petey C 2nd place finisher last year is currently in the 7th slot with 57.5 points and 5 players left. DeAndre Hopkins was the biggest loss of the 1st round. Travis Kelce had a nice 1st round 22-point performance and he will most certainly need a KC upset of New England to have any chance of winning this. Cam Newton will also need to make the SB as the rest of his team is pretty weak. He had both the Texans D and Texans kicker so those were big losses in the 1st round. He will also need Eddie Lacy to lay off the FlapJacks and Chitlins in preparation for Sundays Game.
Projected Points in Divisional Round: 62
Robby D aka Hack is in 8th place with 53.3 points and 9 players left. Brian Hoyer was completely devastating as he was a turnover machine, finishing with -.8 points. DeAngelo Williams not playing in the 1st round was also costly and reports are he may miss the matchup vs the Broncos. Rob is going to need a Seattle, New England ride to the SB with his Doug Baldwin and Julian Edelman WR combo to have any shot of finishing in the money. Problem is, there isn’t much firepower coming from the rest of his squad. Most likely during the draft Rob was hitting the electronic pipe researching the last 10 and watching highlights of Spurs C Boban Marjanovic as he looks to maintain his Excellence in Fantasy NBA.
Projected Points in Divisional Round: 80
Kenny D sits in 9th place with 45.4 points and 9 players left and has a decent roster remaining. Russell Wilson’s 12-point performance was surprising but at least he advanced with the Blair Walsh miss. Ken maintains Wilson, Michael Floyd C.J Anderson, and K Catanzaro as his top weapons. Ken will need a Seattle Run to the SB along CJ turning into the old CJ and Denver getting back to the title game. In the meantime, maybe he can get some more contributions from Jordan Todman, Albert Wilson and Heath Miller as most likely none of them will advance past the divisional round. Stranger things have happened however, like when I lost my cooking apron and then found it hanging in my neighbors closet 41 years later. Pretty strange if you ask me.
Projected Points in Divisional Round: 85
Michael Esposito “Espo” sits in 10th place with 40.7 points and just 6 players left. Heavily invested into the Bengals much like Gary Portman, Espo lost 3 Bengals in horrid fashion by losing A.J. McCarron, Jeremy Hill and Giovanni Bernard. Word is, his neighbor, Chuck Tekels, who lives 6 houses down heard him screaming at his TV relentlessly, shouting multiple obscenities throughout the Bengalis game. Also a old lady was hit with a Chocolate Chip Cookie and fell onto his lawn while walking her dog in the neighborhood. No cops were called or charges pressed, however. To make matters worse, Marshawn Lynch, his #1 pick, was ruled out for the game against the Vikings. Whelp, that pretty much seals it for Espo, but I’m sure he will use this as heavy motivation for the NCAA Players Pool upcoming in March. Hope to see you at Miami Mike’s!!!
Projected Points in Divisional Round: 68
11th place goes to the brand new Pops Dennis Severino. Receiving one of the lowest draft grades by my colleague Gary Plonderson, Severino escaped the WC round with just 35 points while keeping 7 players. The Cordarrelle “I’ve smoked more weed then all you did in your lifetimes combined” Patterson selection proved to be terrible as he was solely relying on his kick return prowess. However, Patterson went nowhere, much like Severino’s team appears to be going. That is however unless pretty boy Tom Brady can lead the New England Patriots to the promise land once again. He will then pair Brady up with K Steven Gostkowski on that journey. He will also need good performances from Ronnie Hillman and Randall Cobb, along with Cameron Artis-Payne doing something whether Jonathan Stewart plays or not. It doesn’t look good for Severino but this may have been foretold from the start as he emailed Commish Steve DeAngelo back saying “I’m Shot, but I’m in” when responding to his participation in this year’s tournament. New found fatherhood can do that to a man.
Projected Points in Divisional Round: 74
Last year’s Champ Evan Swalling sits in last place with just 23.3 points, but does boast having the most remaining players with 10 left. Evan, who was doubted by many even after winning last year’s title had the #1 pick and selected Carson Palmer who he will need to make a run to the SB. He also has the Cards D, so this is vital for his team. He will need Jonathan Stewart to return healthy this week against the Seahawks and then advance to play the Cards in the NFC Title game. Losing Adrian Peterson, his 2nd pick was tough, especially when only finished with 6.3 points. The rest of the team is completely suspect other than the great Brazilian sensation Cairo “Barry” Santos. If KC can make a miracle run to the SB, coupled with Carson, Zona D and some good performances from Jonathan Stewart, Evan may have a shot at the money. It just doesn’t seem likely this year.
Projected Points in Divisional Round: 79
That’s it, we hope to have an update after the Divisional round, as we will have a much clearer picture of who will be truly contending for the title. We will discuss the contenders and briefly discuss the losers. In the meantime, have a great week and enjoy the games this weekend.
Here is an article I posted on my league’s site. Thought some of you may enjoy. I am availble for writeups if you are interested!!
Ol Winston n Gerns Strikes Deal w/ La Famiglia, Makes Them An Offer They Couldn’t Refuse
A deal was struck Friday Morning between the two clubs, as La Famiglia sent Adrian Gonzalez and Tyson Ross over to WGBC for Corey Dickerson.
Many wonder why WGBC would make such a deal, sitting at 7-10 and currently on the outside looking in of the 2015 Freehole Playoffs.
” We like this deal, we still have a ton of young talent coming back next year, add a possible keeper in Tyson Ross and also acquire Adrian who will help us for our run this year,” said Co-Owner Winston Furton IV.
With 4 games after this week, WGBC needs to win this week and probably win 3 of their next 4 to have a realistic shot. They will be battiling with Mickey Small Balls, The Va Fongoool Crew, Upton Funk you Up, Leakey Wong and even La Famiglia for the final two spots.
” Why Give up now, we made this run two years ago, we can do it again”, Said Gerns, Winston’s partner.
Time will tell if this was a good deal for WGBC, but one thing is for sure they give their fans something to root for and keep it interesting. It’s the reason they have had such a cult following since their inception 3 years ago.
” We love this franchise, they give us hope and do not throw in the towel too soon. Yes they could put a little more effort into March/April during the NCAA tournament when all the scouting takes place, but once the season starts they are entrenched,” said Local WGBC supporter and Fan Carl Fernpak, a resident of Tempen, Ohio, where the WBGC headquarters is located.
” We don’t like giving up, we are still in it, besides what else are we going to do, we are old Men who need to stay active otherwise we might fall over on a park bench and end up at Perry’s Old Age Home on Rt. 39.
With a questionable pitching staff and Miggy still on the shelf, we will all see if WGBC can make this happen. After the deal struck Friday, Gerns was seen getting into his 1986 Cadillac Deville when a reporter asked, Hey Gerns how those balls hanging? Gerns replied, ” Better than Ever Youngster”.
Yes, Ohhhh yes, Yes, Oh yes, Pears? Yess, No, Larry stop eating my Crumbcake!!!! Who? Where? Who is this? Mitt Romney? Gloria Vanderbilt? Lance? Blair? Toops? Linda Connors? The extra in the Cave from Batman Returns? Ronnie Turiaf’s Cousin? Mark Eaton’s Ex Schoolmate? Nooooooo, Oh yes you know who this is, you Have Guessed it…..It… is ……Garyyyyyy Plondersonnnnnnnn and it is Garyyyyy TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Ahhhhhh, I must say it feels good to be back after my long hiatus. Like a nice poop in the wilderness it really feels good. Except for those dry leaves!!! But I believe since the inception of my presence in this league, this is the first time I took a full year off and for that I deeply apologize. Many adventures have been taken, Oh yes, Gary has been opening his mind to new things and new sites as usual. Among the highlights were trips to the Land of Barbarian, the Lands of Gratchels and Fiery Pepper Steaks, The Jungles of the Hornblack and of course the Mountains of Beetlesaw where I conquered the ways of Lionmen. You will see me reference Lionmen several times in my article and for good reason.
But I have returned, I am back in America, the country that is my own, the country where I grew up as a schoolboy wandering around singing songs like a Free Boar. A great country we live in, although my travels have brought me some worry, I believe in our Country still. A country where a man such as myself can rotate and glide amongst the presses and deliver the articles with fullness of Liberty. I am anxious to discuss all the new happenings of the Capital City Fantasy Football League and its 16th season, if my count is right, which I believe it is. I am eager to journey out and make my bold predictions and deliver excitement and intrigue to the masses. So, sit back, relax, grab a cup of your favorite beverage and enjoy the next moments as we embark on a new journey into the likes of quite possibly the greatest Fantasy Football League that has ever existed.
Before I start I would like to thank Glen Garvin for his many years of service as commissioner of the CCFL. He paved the way for this league, had vision when many didn’t, crossed roads many wouldn’t travel, opened windows others couldn’t open and dusted cabinets many couldn’t dust. In short, Glen is a true pioneer and visionary and I understand why he has passed the torch to Mr. Eric Probst a noble man if I must say so myself. Glen has led the path for future generations and commissioners to lead with the prowess that he did. And for that I say Thank you.
I would also like to say a kind thanks to all the league members for the constant support through the years. Now let’s get into the games as some of the action has already begun.
Note: Gary’s career prediction record is 26-12 so take these selections VERY SERIOUSLY. Also if you would like to get to know more about Gary check out my About Page. There also will be more links to click on as you go along, thanks for reading.
#1 Flying Hellfish vs #8 Duffmen
Mr. Probst and the more silent but deadly (like my Uncle Benk’s Farts) Darrison Wharton are yet again a top the CCFL with the No. 1 Seed. This is a team that year in and year out straight BRINGS IT. With two titles under their belt and at least three, possibly four, Superbowl appearances they are easily one of the best Franchises the CCFL has to offer. Sidenote, My energy is on fire right now, I hope I can keep this pace up, reminds me of my 8th grade dance where I danced the night away to Hot Blooded by Foreigner. After Wes Welker and Chris Johnson overcame their slow starts to the season the Hellfish really started to turn it on and along with Drew Brees, LeSean McCoy and Frank Gore who also helped them they secured the No. 1 spot. Actually forget all that, a man that looks like he could easily be Carson Palmer’s older brother in Brandon Myers secured him the #1 spot by catching 5 balls for 50 yards in the last two minutes of the game to outduel the Pizons and claim the the top spot. However Myers let him down bigtime tonight, more on that in a bit.
Talk about stark contrasts, the Duffmen on the other hand have been historically one of the absolute worst Franchises in the CCFL historically. Ian gave it a go for a good six or seven years but with maybe just one or two playoff spots under his trousers he retired coming into 2012. Some say that the globalists, powers that be, New World Order whatever you want to call them forced Ian out because he was exposing their master plan, therefore they wanted him OUT asap. But most likely there is no conspiracy here, this was just a failing Franchise and when the bottomline keeps dwindling it’s time to save face and that’s exactly what they did.
The Duffmen were quickly bought out by Jeff Badaan and in a shocking move they kept the Duffmen name. “We honor and respect past members of this illustrious league and therefore wanted to please the fans and keep the original name while at the same time bring a new found prestige to the Franchise,” Mr. Badaan said. And bring prestige they did, in just his first season, Mr. Badaan brought this team to the Playoffs, a job well done indeed. Leading the Duffmen attack are such names as Peyton Manning, Vincent Jackson, Jermaine Gresham and Jimmy Graham.
In what was a excellent move, the Hellfish went with Knowshon Moreno in a great matchup against the Oakland Raiders. Moreno proceeded to go off for a total of 22.7 points as he had over 150 total yards with a TD. Last week’s savior however, Brandon Myers, had an absolute dud game with just one catch for seven yards. Will that come back to bite the Fish? The Duffmen meanwhile threw out their Stud QB tonight in Peyton Manning but he had a mediocre 16.4 points, throwing for just one TD.
Prediction: This will be a close game, the Duffmen will give the Hellfish all they can handle, but in the end the 10-point seed advantage, the Knowshon Moreno start and Drew Brees will prove to be the difference as the Hellfish edge out the Duffmen 110.7 to 101.4.
#2 Stone Cutters vs # 7 Gearheads
Mr. Garvin was on his absolute “A” game this season finishing with a very impressive point output leading the league as well as securing the No. 2 seed. Some say the early banter with newcomer Jason Wood who took over the Sonz of Thunder Franchise, sparked the the ex-commissioner. Now, I read most of the talk and I must say that reminded me of an old fashioned Western movie I used to love called “Hit the Baker with a Pipe”. Some serious jawing back and forth was going on and neither side backed down. There was however some controversial statements, that I will not get into. I hope both sides have moved on from the scuffle at this point and show that they are men of virtue.
Nonetheless, the Cutters led by Tom Brady, Marshawn Lynch, Stevan Ridley, Andre Johnson, Brandon Marshall and the recently injured Rob Gronkowski, perhaps have one of their most talented teams in a long time. The Gronkowski injury was a big one, they are also missing Willis McGahee who would have been in Mr. Knowshon Moreno’s spot tonight. But there are no excuses, this is the NFL and injuries happen all the time, the key is to overcome those injuries by building quality depth through various methods and fight through the season like a Lionman.
Similar to the Duffmen, the Gearheads led by Paul Neihoff haven’t had much success either, but they certainly have showed more guts and resolve then the previous Duffmen administration. They have also to my knowledge been in the Playoffs multiple times and could have possibly made a Super Bowl appearance at one point. Ol Gary’s memory isn’t what it used to be! I blame the Good Marijuana that I got from Mr. ahemmmm, I won’t reveal who my source is! But the Gearheads quite possibly could have their best team of all-time with excellent buys this year in Doug Martin and RG3. This team’s future is as bright as my Aunt Sheila’s famous Smile. They are also backed with Tony Gonzalez who continues to get it done, Owen Daniels and Lance Moore. They could also put in Matt Ryan if they wished, but this week it appears Griffin will get the nod. A big injury they suffered was losing Percy Harvin who will not return this season, but like I said injuries happen to all. Lionmen fight through, Quailmen falter and get stomped on by Russian Boots.
Prediction: Neither team had a player go tonight, but the Stone Cutters start with a seven- point advantage. This is going to hurt my beloved ex-commish, but he will have to yet wait another year to claim his first title as he will fall to the Gearheads. The combination of RG3, Doug Martin, Tony Gonzalez and Owen Daniels will prove too much to overcome as the Cutters have some tough matchups this week. I hope I am wrong, but it does appear that the Rob Gronkowski injury could end up costing the Cutters this game, unless Colin Kaepernick can get Vernon Davis the ball.
Gearheads 104.1 Cutters 93.5.
# 3 The Andy Reid Fitness Project vs # 6 Pizons
Interesting that these two supposed Fantasy “Guru’s” meet up in the first round of the Playoffs. As fate would have it because of yes, the Man, the Myth the Legend that is Brandon Myers, the Pizons were outed from the #1 seed and fell all the way to the #6 to battle TARFP.
Mike DeAngelo who was a very solid owner and who claimed a title back in 2008 (and still to this day takes full credit for the Phillyfish’s title in 98 because he drafted their team that year) resigned this past year, making way for Jason Wood to step up and display his Fantasy Skills amongst these brethren. Mr. Wood of Footballguys.com was a great addition to the league and much credit goes to Jabronees owner Steve Hertzberg for recruiting him. The TARFP, like the Duffmen had a very impressive debut season and backed up his Fantasy reputation by finishing as the # 3 seed.
Tarfp is led by Andrew Luck, Eric Decker, Dez Byrant, Mikel Leshoure, Alfred Morris and the ever so hot T.Y. Hilton and Danario Alexander, who were both late season pickups and excellent ones at that. He came in at a disadvantage and made some nice selections along with some quality pickups and that is why his team is where it is now. He also showed his fiery nature and showed he wasn’t going to get bullied being the “New Guy” spouting back at Garvin as we mentioned before. This reminds me of when I first moved to Spoonfield, Mississippi and the neighborhood kids clowned me because I carried a Grape colored umbrella. They called me Umbrella Man and Grape Boy and used to wack me with it all the time. But after some consult with my late Father, Larry “The Unicorn” Plonderson, I took that Umbrella and put it where the Earth don’t go. Just a lesson to all the Young Folks, don’t let them bully ya! Of course this was real life and not internet talk! Again I hope the two men have moved on, but it is yet to be seen if any further confrontation will insist.
The Pizons owned by Steve DeAngelo have also been a proud franchise in the CFFL. They have claimed a league-high three championships and have made the SuperBowl four times. After missing the Playoffs last season, they return this year with a fairly solid team. Ray Rice, Julio Jones, Randall Cobb, Aaron Hernandez, and Jordy Nelson anchor the squad. Like Wood, DeAngelo also is associated with Fantasy Football sites, one in Fantasypros911.com and his own site Fantasysavvy.com.
Prediction: Well I don’t know if these two are Guru’s, my plumber couldn’t even plunge my toilet last week showing he wasn’t no Guru, but hey maybe some mistakes just can’t be fixed. I did order five porkchop sandwiches from Linda’s Wagon Buffet and took a serious hot one that day.
But I think the #5 point advantage proves to be the difference in this one as TARFP outduels the Pizons and wins 103.5 to 100.4. Prove me wrong Pizons!
# 4 Kinnelon Kid vs # 5 The Spreaders
The Kinnelon Kid comes into the Playoffs as the hottest team in league, finishing 2nd in points and being winners of six straight. This Franchise is no stranger to success as they have claimed two titles in their history and also are the only team to have ever record an undefeated season back in 2003 when they were then known as the “Butler Boy”. Ken DeAngelo has an incredibly talented team led by Arian Foster, Roddy White, Adrian Peterson, Jason Witten, Cam Newton and newly acquired Calvin Johnson. I hate to say it, but they once again swindled the Topes! This team is flat out dangerous and in my humble opinion they are the most talented team in the Playoff field.
The Spreaders or sometimes called “Spreadiessssssss” have enjoyed a lot of success despite never winning a title. They have been to the big show once before however. Mr. Al Philippy and Son Cory Philippy are best known for their strategy of grabbing at least three or four tight ends in the draft, but seemed to fray from that this season. Maybe that is because of the new addition of partial Owner Thomas Garvin? Garvin could be the youngest owner in CCFL History beating out Steve DeAngelo who was 14 years old when he started out in the CCFL.
The Spreaders squad is led by Tony Romo, A.J. Green, Trent Richardson, Steven Jackson and Jermaine Gresham who is questionable to play on Sunday. This is a very formidable team and I am quite impressed by the job the Spreaders have done. Lord knows they don’t spend a freckle of the time others do on this Fantasy Stuff, yet the Spreaders deliver success year in and year out to their Fans. This team has the potential to get to the Big Show once again.
Prediction: The Kid started at a three-point disadvantage but had Denver D and Matt Prater score 20 points for him tonight to give him the early lead. Although the Spreaders will put up a nice performance led by A.J. Green and Trent Richardson, the Kid just has too much firepower and will outlast the Spreadies by winning 120.3 to 111.5.
That’s it folks, I hope you have enjoyed my latest piece and again I apologize for the long absence. But let me not forget to shout out the teams that did not make the Fantasy Playoffs this year. I really enjoy a lot of these Owners and missed writing about them.
The two-time champion Duck led by Ray Alvarez and Dusty Schmidt just had a rough season and no doubt will be back in full force next season with plenty of money to spend. The Dancin Homers who claimed a title in 2000 are also missed; TJ however should be thanked mightily for his work performed during Hurricane Sandy. Some things are most certainly more important than Fantasy Football. The Isotopes led by Evan Swalling had yet another disappointing season, led me recommend a name change possibly? Maybe Big Gary’s Tires? Or Pierre’s Onion Shop? But one day I know the topes will reign victorious. I believe that! The Jabronees led by Steve Hertzberg have also claimed two titles and had a disappointing year ridden by injury. I know they will be back stronger next season.
To all the fans, readers and loved ones, God Bless and have a great Christmas and New Year, Happy Hanukah to my Jewish Friends. Remember it’s a Christmas Tree not a “Holiday Tree”! ‘Ol Gary can’t promise a return next week, but I hope to be back before the Playoffs end. I have some more studying and traveling to do as well as volunteer at the local Blade Shop to measure Blade lengths. Blade 2 was also a good movie, check the trailer here. I know Wesley Snipes well, I was the one who got him the spot on the Total Gym infomercial. You can check his spot here.
But that’s it for now my Capital City Friends, before I babble any further let me shut up so you can go about your day. Until next time, remember The World ain’t going to wait for your Midget Mind, so might as well make it a double espresso and Run For the Hills like a Fierce Lionman!!!!!!
