Yes, Ohhhh yes, Yes, Oh yes, Pears? Yess, No, Larry stop eating my Crumbcake!!!! Who? Where? Who is this? Mitt Romney? Gloria Vanderbilt? Lance? Blair? Toops? Linda Connors? The extra in the Cave from Batman Returns? Ronnie Turiaf’s Cousin? Mark Eaton’s Ex Schoolmate? Nooooooo, Oh yes you know who this is, you Have Guessed it…..It… is ……Garyyyyyy Plondersonnnnnnnn and it is Garyyyyy TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Ahhhhhh, I must say it feels good to be back after my long hiatus. Like a nice poop in the wilderness it really feels good. Except for those dry leaves!!! But I believe since the inception of my presence in this league, this is the first time I took a full year off and for that I deeply apologize. Many adventures have been taken, Oh yes, Gary has been opening his mind to new things and new sites as usual. Among the highlights were trips to the Land of Barbarian, the Lands of Gratchels and Fiery Pepper Steaks, The Jungles of the Hornblack and of course the Mountains of Beetlesaw where I conquered the ways of Lionmen. You will see me reference Lionmen several times in my article and for good reason.
But I have returned, I am back in America, the country that is my own, the country where I grew up as a schoolboy wandering around singing songs like a Free Boar. A great country we live in, although my travels have brought me some worry, I believe in our Country still. A country where a man such as myself can rotate and glide amongst the presses and deliver the articles with fullness of Liberty. I am anxious to discuss all the new happenings of the Capital City Fantasy Football League and its 16th season, if my count is right, which I believe it is. I am eager to journey out and make my bold predictions and deliver excitement and intrigue to the masses. So, sit back, relax, grab a cup of your favorite beverage and enjoy the next moments as we embark on a new journey into the likes of quite possibly the greatest Fantasy Football League that has ever existed.
Before I start I would like to thank Glen Garvin for his many years of service as commissioner of the CCFL. He paved the way for this league, had vision when many didn’t, crossed roads many wouldn’t travel, opened windows others couldn’t open and dusted cabinets many couldn’t dust. In short, Glen is a true pioneer and visionary and I understand why he has passed the torch to Mr. Eric Probst a noble man if I must say so myself. Glen has led the path for future generations and commissioners to lead with the prowess that he did. And for that I say Thank you.
I would also like to say a kind thanks to all the league members for the constant support through the years. Now let’s get into the games as some of the action has already begun.
Note: Gary’s career prediction record is 26-12 so take these selections VERY SERIOUSLY. Also if you would like to get to know more about Gary check out my About Page. There also will be more links to click on as you go along, thanks for reading.
#1 Flying Hellfish vs #8 Duffmen
Mr. Probst and the more silent but deadly (like my Uncle Benk’s Farts) Darrison Wharton are yet again a top the CCFL with the No. 1 Seed. This is a team that year in and year out straight BRINGS IT. With two titles under their belt and at least three, possibly four, Superbowl appearances they are easily one of the best Franchises the CCFL has to offer. Sidenote, My energy is on fire right now, I hope I can keep this pace up, reminds me of my 8th grade dance where I danced the night away to Hot Blooded by Foreigner. After Wes Welker and Chris Johnson overcame their slow starts to the season the Hellfish really started to turn it on and along with Drew Brees, LeSean McCoy and Frank Gore who also helped them they secured the No. 1 spot. Actually forget all that, a man that looks like he could easily be Carson Palmer’s older brother in Brandon Myers secured him the #1 spot by catching 5 balls for 50 yards in the last two minutes of the game to outduel the Pizons and claim the the top spot. However Myers let him down bigtime tonight, more on that in a bit.
Talk about stark contrasts, the Duffmen on the other hand have been historically one of the absolute worst Franchises in the CCFL historically. Ian gave it a go for a good six or seven years but with maybe just one or two playoff spots under his trousers he retired coming into 2012. Some say that the globalists, powers that be, New World Order whatever you want to call them forced Ian out because he was exposing their master plan, therefore they wanted him OUT asap. But most likely there is no conspiracy here, this was just a failing Franchise and when the bottomline keeps dwindling it’s time to save face and that’s exactly what they did.
The Duffmen were quickly bought out by Jeff Badaan and in a shocking move they kept the Duffmen name. “We honor and respect past members of this illustrious league and therefore wanted to please the fans and keep the original name while at the same time bring a new found prestige to the Franchise,” Mr. Badaan said. And bring prestige they did, in just his first season, Mr. Badaan brought this team to the Playoffs, a job well done indeed. Leading the Duffmen attack are such names as Peyton Manning, Vincent Jackson, Jermaine Gresham and Jimmy Graham.
In what was a excellent move, the Hellfish went with Knowshon Moreno in a great matchup against the Oakland Raiders. Moreno proceeded to go off for a total of 22.7 points as he had over 150 total yards with a TD. Last week’s savior however, Brandon Myers, had an absolute dud game with just one catch for seven yards. Will that come back to bite the Fish? The Duffmen meanwhile threw out their Stud QB tonight in Peyton Manning but he had a mediocre 16.4 points, throwing for just one TD.
Prediction: This will be a close game, the Duffmen will give the Hellfish all they can handle, but in the end the 10-point seed advantage, the Knowshon Moreno start and Drew Brees will prove to be the difference as the Hellfish edge out the Duffmen 110.7 to 101.4.
#2 Stone Cutters vs # 7 Gearheads
Mr. Garvin was on his absolute “A” game this season finishing with a very impressive point output leading the league as well as securing the No. 2 seed. Some say the early banter with newcomer Jason Wood who took over the Sonz of Thunder Franchise, sparked the the ex-commissioner. Now, I read most of the talk and I must say that reminded me of an old fashioned Western movie I used to love called “Hit the Baker with a Pipe”. Some serious jawing back and forth was going on and neither side backed down. There was however some controversial statements, that I will not get into. I hope both sides have moved on from the scuffle at this point and show that they are men of virtue.
Nonetheless, the Cutters led by Tom Brady, Marshawn Lynch, Stevan Ridley, Andre Johnson, Brandon Marshall and the recently injured Rob Gronkowski, perhaps have one of their most talented teams in a long time. The Gronkowski injury was a big one, they are also missing Willis McGahee who would have been in Mr. Knowshon Moreno’s spot tonight. But there are no excuses, this is the NFL and injuries happen all the time, the key is to overcome those injuries by building quality depth through various methods and fight through the season like a Lionman.
Similar to the Duffmen, the Gearheads led by Paul Neihoff haven’t had much success either, but they certainly have showed more guts and resolve then the previous Duffmen administration. They have also to my knowledge been in the Playoffs multiple times and could have possibly made a Super Bowl appearance at one point. Ol Gary’s memory isn’t what it used to be! I blame the Good Marijuana that I got from Mr. ahemmmm, I won’t reveal who my source is! But the Gearheads quite possibly could have their best team of all-time with excellent buys this year in Doug Martin and RG3. This team’s future is as bright as my Aunt Sheila’s famous Smile. They are also backed with Tony Gonzalez who continues to get it done, Owen Daniels and Lance Moore. They could also put in Matt Ryan if they wished, but this week it appears Griffin will get the nod. A big injury they suffered was losing Percy Harvin who will not return this season, but like I said injuries happen to all. Lionmen fight through, Quailmen falter and get stomped on by Russian Boots.
Prediction: Neither team had a player go tonight, but the Stone Cutters start with a seven- point advantage. This is going to hurt my beloved ex-commish, but he will have to yet wait another year to claim his first title as he will fall to the Gearheads. The combination of RG3, Doug Martin, Tony Gonzalez and Owen Daniels will prove too much to overcome as the Cutters have some tough matchups this week. I hope I am wrong, but it does appear that the Rob Gronkowski injury could end up costing the Cutters this game, unless Colin Kaepernick can get Vernon Davis the ball.
Gearheads 104.1 Cutters 93.5.
# 3 The Andy Reid Fitness Project vs # 6 Pizons
Interesting that these two supposed Fantasy “Guru’s” meet up in the first round of the Playoffs. As fate would have it because of yes, the Man, the Myth the Legend that is Brandon Myers, the Pizons were outed from the #1 seed and fell all the way to the #6 to battle TARFP.
Mike DeAngelo who was a very solid owner and who claimed a title back in 2008 (and still to this day takes full credit for the Phillyfish’s title in 98 because he drafted their team that year) resigned this past year, making way for Jason Wood to step up and display his Fantasy Skills amongst these brethren. Mr. Wood of Footballguys.com was a great addition to the league and much credit goes to Jabronees owner Steve Hertzberg for recruiting him. The TARFP, like the Duffmen had a very impressive debut season and backed up his Fantasy reputation by finishing as the # 3 seed.
Tarfp is led by Andrew Luck, Eric Decker, Dez Byrant, Mikel Leshoure, Alfred Morris and the ever so hot T.Y. Hilton and Danario Alexander, who were both late season pickups and excellent ones at that. He came in at a disadvantage and made some nice selections along with some quality pickups and that is why his team is where it is now. He also showed his fiery nature and showed he wasn’t going to get bullied being the “New Guy” spouting back at Garvin as we mentioned before. This reminds me of when I first moved to Spoonfield, Mississippi and the neighborhood kids clowned me because I carried a Grape colored umbrella. They called me Umbrella Man and Grape Boy and used to wack me with it all the time. But after some consult with my late Father, Larry “The Unicorn” Plonderson, I took that Umbrella and put it where the Earth don’t go. Just a lesson to all the Young Folks, don’t let them bully ya! Of course this was real life and not internet talk! Again I hope the two men have moved on, but it is yet to be seen if any further confrontation will insist.
The Pizons owned by Steve DeAngelo have also been a proud franchise in the CFFL. They have claimed a league-high three championships and have made the SuperBowl four times. After missing the Playoffs last season, they return this year with a fairly solid team. Ray Rice, Julio Jones, Randall Cobb, Aaron Hernandez, and Jordy Nelson anchor the squad. Like Wood, DeAngelo also is associated with Fantasy Football sites, one in Fantasypros911.com and his own site Fantasysavvy.com.
Prediction: Well I don’t know if these two are Guru’s, my plumber couldn’t even plunge my toilet last week showing he wasn’t no Guru, but hey maybe some mistakes just can’t be fixed. I did order five porkchop sandwiches from Linda’s Wagon Buffet and took a serious hot one that day.
But I think the #5 point advantage proves to be the difference in this one as TARFP outduels the Pizons and wins 103.5 to 100.4. Prove me wrong Pizons!
# 4 Kinnelon Kid vs # 5 The Spreaders
The Kinnelon Kid comes into the Playoffs as the hottest team in league, finishing 2nd in points and being winners of six straight. This Franchise is no stranger to success as they have claimed two titles in their history and also are the only team to have ever record an undefeated season back in 2003 when they were then known as the “Butler Boy”. Ken DeAngelo has an incredibly talented team led by Arian Foster, Roddy White, Adrian Peterson, Jason Witten, Cam Newton and newly acquired Calvin Johnson. I hate to say it, but they once again swindled the Topes! This team is flat out dangerous and in my humble opinion they are the most talented team in the Playoff field.
The Spreaders or sometimes called “Spreadiessssssss” have enjoyed a lot of success despite never winning a title. They have been to the big show once before however. Mr. Al Philippy and Son Cory Philippy are best known for their strategy of grabbing at least three or four tight ends in the draft, but seemed to fray from that this season. Maybe that is because of the new addition of partial Owner Thomas Garvin? Garvin could be the youngest owner in CCFL History beating out Steve DeAngelo who was 14 years old when he started out in the CCFL.
The Spreaders squad is led by Tony Romo, A.J. Green, Trent Richardson, Steven Jackson and Jermaine Gresham who is questionable to play on Sunday. This is a very formidable team and I am quite impressed by the job the Spreaders have done. Lord knows they don’t spend a freckle of the time others do on this Fantasy Stuff, yet the Spreaders deliver success year in and year out to their Fans. This team has the potential to get to the Big Show once again.
Prediction: The Kid started at a three-point disadvantage but had Denver D and Matt Prater score 20 points for him tonight to give him the early lead. Although the Spreaders will put up a nice performance led by A.J. Green and Trent Richardson, the Kid just has too much firepower and will outlast the Spreadies by winning 120.3 to 111.5.
That’s it folks, I hope you have enjoyed my latest piece and again I apologize for the long absence. But let me not forget to shout out the teams that did not make the Fantasy Playoffs this year. I really enjoy a lot of these Owners and missed writing about them.
The two-time champion Duck led by Ray Alvarez and Dusty Schmidt just had a rough season and no doubt will be back in full force next season with plenty of money to spend. The Dancin Homers who claimed a title in 2000 are also missed; TJ however should be thanked mightily for his work performed during Hurricane Sandy. Some things are most certainly more important than Fantasy Football. The Isotopes led by Evan Swalling had yet another disappointing season, led me recommend a name change possibly? Maybe Big Gary’s Tires? Or Pierre’s Onion Shop? But one day I know the topes will reign victorious. I believe that! The Jabronees led by Steve Hertzberg have also claimed two titles and had a disappointing year ridden by injury. I know they will be back stronger next season.
To all the fans, readers and loved ones, God Bless and have a great Christmas and New Year, Happy Hanukah to my Jewish Friends. Remember it’s a Christmas Tree not a “Holiday Tree”! ‘Ol Gary can’t promise a return next week, but I hope to be back before the Playoffs end. I have some more studying and traveling to do as well as volunteer at the local Blade Shop to measure Blade lengths. Blade 2 was also a good movie, check the trailer here. I know Wesley Snipes well, I was the one who got him the spot on the Total Gym infomercial. You can check his spot here.
But that’s it for now my Capital City Friends, before I babble any further let me shut up so you can go about your day. Until next time, remember The World ain’t going to wait for your Midget Mind, so might as well make it a double espresso and Run For the Hills like a Fierce Lionman!!!!!!