King of Harpoons 2017: Divisional Round Analysis

Welcome back everyone as we get geared up for the divisional round of the playoffs. Hope everyone had a great week. It’s time to kick back and enjoy some great games this weekend. Screw the politics and all the banter, set that all aside this weekend, as this is what makes America great and enjoyable.

One round and four games are in the books with 7 games and three rounds left to play in the postseason. The Wild Card round provided slight clarity as to who really has a shot at winning this prestigious tournament, but so much can change still and it will only be after this weekend that we will truly have a good idea at who the true contenders are. If you didn’t read my post draft review you can check that here. Now we will get to a preview of the Divisional Round along with some projected scores and updated odds.

Bob Portman currently leads the pack after the WildCard round with 113.05 points and 6 players remaining. Bob’s team is solely reliant on Le’Veon Bell and the Pittsburgh Steelers winning this week and going to the promise land. The only other truly point producing players are Davante Adams and the Falcons D. If he can get all 3 of these teams to advance he is in business. The other three remaining players, Teron Ward, Chris Conley and DeAngelo Williams are going to give him next nothing.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 42 Points.

Updated Odds: 25-1

2nd Place is being held by Greg and Sandra Santos aka MamaBaDay60. They sit at 106.10 points with 6 players left. They got two huge opening round performances from Thomas Rawls and Antonio Brown and need these core players to advance. Or at least one of them. Alex Smith makes his playoff debut this weekend as does Cole Beasley, two solid selections. His other remaining players are Jesse James and Jeff ” My Mom makes one hell of a meatloaf” Janis. I like their position more so than RJPortman’s as they will move ahead of him after this round. I think they has a very nice shot to take this tournament down.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 56 Points.

Updated Odds: 10-1

KennyD was the brunt of many jokes around these circles including from yours truly after his surprising lackluster draft performance. But that all changed 4pm last Saturday as Big Brock Osweiler and Ryan Griffin got off to a hot start and then on Sunday when Randall Cobb finished with three TD’s. Ken has 105.10 points and has all 11 players left. But that  will likely dwindle heavily after this weekend. Ken will just have to hope Brock gives him some kind of solid performance before he bows out this weekend against the Pats. He will also need the Packers to keep it rolling as he has both Randall Cobb and Jordy Nelson. Nelson will be out this weekend however, but maybe Cobb can perform for the both of them like he did last week. Devonta Freeman is a key piece that he will having going and his other two best producing players are Steven Hauschka and Steelers D. Lance Dunbar, Lucky Whitehead, Sammie Coates and Jermaine Kearse likely will give him less than 10 points combined this weekend, but you never know maybe Sammie  or Jermaine  come out of the woodwork somehow. While Ken had a good start to this tournament, Ol’ Gary thinks he doesn’t have the lasting power to sustain. But he proved us wrong last week, maybe he can again.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 65 Points

Updated Odds: 30-1

Frank Thoma aka Griplip is in 4th place with 98.25 points and 8 players left. Frank will need Seattle to win today and advance to the SuperBowl to have any shot to win this as Doug Baldwin and the Seattle D anchor the team. DeAndre Hopkins is going bye-bye after this weekend, but maybe he go out with a bang. LeGarrette Blount is the last main piece that he will need to remain and as this is the New England Invitational in the AFC, Blount will likely last all the way. But we will get enough points from the others? Jared Cook, Demarcus Ayers, and Justin Hardy aren’t going to get it done. He will need Cairo Santos to advance this week and have a nice performance. Frank needs a Seattle/Pats SB. It is possible.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 72 Points

Updated Odds: 15-1

Espo aka Zerooo is in 5th place with 85.60 points and 9 players left. Can Aaron Rodgers keep it going and keep the Packers winning streak alive? Espo’s chances rest on his shoulders. He also has Ty Montgomery. Dez Byrant and Dan Bailey are the insurance in case the Pack do go down. Paul Richardson had a huge opening round game and he will need him to advance as well.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 78 Points

Updated Odds: 10-1

DKDMoney, Dylan and Jake, the DeAngelo Bros are in 6th place with 75.95 points and 6 players left. They simply need a Cowboys and Chiefs SB with Zeke and Kelce. The rest of team is going to do next to nothing for them with guys like Terrance Williams, James Starks and Darius-Heyward Bey. The Texans D are done after this game and they lost their kicker and QB last round. Not a great introductory Harpooner for the young gunners, but they should get better over the years.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 45 Points

Updated Odds: 50-1

7th spot is Chase Licata with 67.90 points and 9 players left. Chase like Frank, also needs a Seattle/New England SB with Russell Wilson, Jimmy Graham, Malcolm Mitchell (questionable this week) and Chris Hogan. Well really he needs Seattle to go all the way because the Pats guys just won’t produce enough. Witten, Packers D and Nick Novak are his other best point producing players left. Seattle or Bust.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 70 Points

Updated Odds: 13-1

Swift456, Steve DeAngelo is in 8th place with 56.60 points and 7 players left. O’Dell Beckham was a killer as he was his 2nd pick overall and provided just five points. At least Jarvis Landry went out with a bang and 22 points. Steve needs both #1 Seeds to stick to the script and get to the SB as he has Dak, Cowboys D, Gostkowski, Dion Lewis and Danny Amendola. The only other decent contributor he has is Christine Michael. Steve has the most likely SB scenario so his chances look very good, but if the Cowboys lose this weekend he is done.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 59 Points

Updated Odds: 5-1

9th place currently is Evan Swalling with 40.85 points and 8 players left. Evan’s squad is heavy AFC with Big Ben, Jeremy Maclin, Martellus Bennett and James White repping as the teams best remaining performers. Really the only chance I see Evan having is if the Steelers go to the Superbowl. But that would likely be offset by MamaBaDay and RJPortman having Le’Veon Bell and Antonio Brown and already being so far ahead in points. Plus Ben has been bad on the road all season and is playing with a bum ankle because Mike Tomlin had him in during garbage time. Maybe he can squeeze in a Taylor Gabriel SB appearance with an explosion in points his next three games. Gary don’t see though. Reminds me I need to eat more carrots and bring my dear Mother to the Eye Doc tomorrow.

Divisional Round Projected Score:62 Points 

Updated Odds 40-1

10th Place Robby D/Freehole23 with 37.70 points and 8 players left. Rob’s first pick Tom Brady goes off this weekend and should light up the scoreboard against the Texans. But outside of Brady where is he going to get points from? Michael Floyd? Tevin Coleman? Sanu? Pats are likely going to the SB, but will that be enough to get it done? He will need Michael Floyd to become a key weapon for Brady with the Falcons going to the SB. Coleman could have some nice games. Not sure he will have enough points when it’s all said and done, will see. It’s a shame he doesn’t have a K or Defense left to give steady producing points.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 50 Points

Updated Odds: 20-1

11th place is Joe Portman aka Plunker with 31.15 points and 8 players left. Right now Connor Cook is currently still the best 11 pick overall, beating out Phins D by .5 points. However that could change with CJ Prosise probably playing this week and/or Demarcus Ayers who has 3 points currently getting another 5+ points. This may be Joe’s only hope at the money, unless of course the Falcons go to the SB and he gets a Julio/Edelman combo along with Pats D and Matt Bryant. That a solid core 4 there and is better than most. It has real lasting power and that is the key in these post season tournaments. Joe is way down in points 81 points behind the leader so he does have some making up to do. Still we like his chances here.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 70 Points

Updated Odds: 7-1

Last place currently, although that doesn’t mean to much at this juncture is Gary Portman with 22.90 points and 9 players left. Gary’s team is all about a KC/Atlanta SB with Matt Ryan, Tyreek Hill, Spencer Ware, and Chiefs D. He also has some other producers left with Mason Crosby and C.J. Prosise who has a good shot at playing against Atlanta. If KC and Atlanta do meet in the Superbowl, Gary will likely come all the way from 12th place to the top of the heap. A Green Bay victory over Dallas would help tremendously.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 70 Points

Updated Odds: 8-1

Well that’s it for now, a little less humour in this article than in previous posts, but that’s only because sometimes the Harpoons is serious business. Can’t always been just fun and games. Everybody have a great weekend, enjoy the games, until next week this is Gary Plonderson saying, Sustain the Winds, Ride through the Fogs!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2016 NCAA Tournament: Players Pool Intro w/ Gary Plonderson

 

YES!! I am finally here, I know you have been waiting. Sorry for the long hiatus. I have been on a plethora of different excursions around the world and my Fantasy Writeups have had to take somewhat of a backseat. Travels to Monaco, Charlestown, Delaware, Ireland, Turkey, Bucketville, Horace Grants Steakhouse, the Arfin Trail, Geef Island and Sarah’s Ricotta Geel Rip.  Safe to say Ol Gary got a fewwww items of that Bucketlist!!! It’s called living, try it sometime.   But seriously, it feels good to be back. After my landing in the beautiful city of Teterboro on my private plane, I headed right over to Steve Sizziling steakhouse for a long dinner with some old Jersey Pals. That is why I wasn’t able to join you guys earlier. But I am here now ready for action, ready to attack like a Zebra with wings against a Lion for Revenge. Ready to saturate the market. Ready to Absorb and spit out numbers and facts like a 23 year-old Korean Stockbroker. Yes Gary is back. Yes Gary. Gary is here, Gary. Gary man. Ok enough about me, although if you want to hear more about my travels,  check out Amazon for my new book, Travels Amongst the Furlong.  Buy the book and get a free GaryWagon at GarywagonGary/Garywagon/Gary/YesIt’sGary.com. Put in the Promo code Chip Lohmiller. Ok let’s get to it, March Madness is here, simply the best time of the year. Pull up your trousers, adjust your contacts or glasses, watch with passion, watch with Zeal, focus like an Owl and get ready for the greatest tournament ever created.

*One note, I have no record of the winner in 2013. Whoever I missed in my title announcements, I apologize.  And I may be off on some things. Feel free to correct me by sending a letter in the Mail to P.O. Box 467 Jenkins Highway, South Dakota. I am using an old history book that I found in my old langston walker briefcase.

Eric Probst aka Hield the Children

Eric Probst a Cuse alum and I believe former roommate in college of our prestigious founder and commissioner Glen Garvin, finally rejoined the fun two years ago after a long break.  In his first year back he took down the crown for his first every title. He wasn’t able to repeat in 2015, but does come back with #1 pick Buddy Hield this year. Probst, a longtime member of the Capital City Fantasy Football league, recently departed after being one of the best owners there. So no doubt, from EP, you are going to see a sound and solid performance each year. His return is welcomed as he improves the overall competitive nature of this magnificent league.

Appearances: 7, Titles 1 (2014)

Best Picks– Buddy Hield (1st Overall pick), Danuel House (2nd round), Anthony Gil (3rd Round), Isaiah Briscoe (9th Round), Makai Mason (17th Round), Tre’ Mclean (last overall pick)

Anti Gary Picks– Jonathan Motley (4th round) Diamond Stone (5th Round) Phil Booth (10th round) Khadeem Lattin (15th Round)

Draft Grade – C+

JJ&Kowalski Aka Deacons

JJ a Wake Forest Alum, longs for the days of  Jeff Teague, Tim Duncan, Randolph Childress.  (one of the most memorable crossovers of all time) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRJMsoIptQo Wake has been awful of late. Maybe they should bring back Dino.

But historically and for the most part this combo has been pretty competitive and with Wake out of the tournament that should eliminate any bias picks. Kowalski hasn’t made a pick in 5 years says JJ, but perhaps he should utilize his partners knowledge. No I In team, but there is an I in winning?  Kowalski looks like he was the original owner of this team back in 98 with JJ joining or finally being recognized in 2004.

Appearances:  Kowalski 6 Solo, Kevin and JJ 12, Titles 1 (2006)

Best Picks- Denzel Valentine (2nd Overall Pick) DeAndre’ Bembry (8th Round)

Anti Gary Picks– Jalen Jones (2nd Round) A.J. Hammons (4th Round) Jalen Brunson (5th Round) Trevor Cooney (15th Round) DJ Hogg (17th Round)

Draft Grade– D

Ray & Dusty Aka RazorSchmatt

Ahh, my favorite combo Dusty and Ray , Ray and Dusty, they go together like Cheetos and Wet Naps. Dusty also makes some of the best Ribs you will ever taste. I tasted them one time, after I did have some stains on the left side of my shorts, but it was well worth it. Those Ribs were amazing and I await the day when I can try them again. But this combo has had a very successful franchise in the Capital City Football league. The Duck won yet another title this season and are now tied for the league record with 4 titles. But this league is an entirely different story. O’Dell Beckham is not here to save them. According to my records they have yet to claim a title as partners. And many solo runs by Ray before partnering with Dusty were unsuccessful. Dusty an original member of the 87 inaugural season had three solo appearances in 87, 98 & 2003 that were failures before he joined up with Ken Sullivan in 2004. That lasted until 2006 without success and then Dusty  joined with Ray in 2007 after some slight squabbles with Sully. What happened between Ken and Dusty though? Did Dusty see the success his Duck partnership in Football was having and make an executive decision, being the man of vision Dusty is? Or did somebody take a turd in somebody else’s pillow after a long, long night of drinking. Nobody may ever know the truth, nevertheless I believe it was for the best for all parties. But I have not seen all three of these guys in quite some time and I hope to see them soon.

Appearances: Dusty & Ray 9, Dusty (3 Solo, 2 with Ken Sullivan) Ray (6 Solo) ,  0 Title

Best Picks- Perry Ellis (3rd overall Pick),

Anti Gary Picks- Trevon Bluiett (2nd Round) Brandon Ingram (3rd Round) Jordan Loveridge (6th Round) Jordan McLaughlin  (11th Round) Jamel Artis (13th Round) and the two other USC guys and Austin Peay guy.

Draft Grade – F  

Steve DeAngelo & Dennis Severino

Always a dangerous tandem, Steve and Dennis went on a great run from 2007-2009 winning 3 titles in a row, something that has not been done by any other franchise. Steve who first joined this league back in 1996, at just 14 years old , but then took a few years hiatus, claimed his own title in 2004 , until joining forces with Dennis 2006. It truly has been a great partnership. However, they have not won since 2009, which is somewhat surprising, but not surprising because this tournament is very hard to win. Truly a league of extraordinary gentlemen. Usually playing the strategy of stacking a team or two and riding them to the Final 4 and Finals, they went away from that this year and only doubled up on one team which was a 6 seed in Seton Hall. We will see if this new strategy pans out. The lack of an overall stronghold team may have played a part in that.

Appearances: Steve 6 Solo, Titles 1 (2004) Steve & Dennis 10, Titles 3 (2007, 2008, 2009)

Best Picks- Brice Johnson (4th Overall) Angel Rodriguez (4th Round) Ivan Rabb (6th Round) Khadeen Carringon (8th Round) 

Anti Gary Picks- (Landen Lucas 7th Round)

Draft Grade- B

Joe Grippo & Phil DeAngelo 

Welcome to the Players Pool tournament Joe Grippo. It’s been a long time coming. After many appearances in the infamous basement watching the tournament, you have finally joined perhaps the greatest Fantasy Tournament known to Man. Phil DeAngelo who has had many appearances in this league, without any success at all, has brought Grippo in to be his partner and General Manager. Big Phil has had some solo appearances and many partners without positive results. One of his partners one year proceeded to take everybody from the Big East, that didn’t work out well. Grippo recently traveled to Florida to meet Phil, no doubt after Phil called him and told him to get his ass down there to discuss this partnership. On the surface it looks to be a great partnership, but we will see how Grippo’s draft skills fare amongst this skilled group of men. One thing is for sure, Grippo better “Move his Ass” as Phil likes to say or “He’s Gone!”

Appearances: Phil DeAngelo 10, 0 Titles, Phil & Joe (1st year this season)

Best Picks- Malcolm Brogdon (5th Overall) Derrick Gordon (20th Round)

Anti Gary Picks- Josh Hart (2nd Round) Daniel Ochefu (5th Round) Nate Britt (7th Round) Marshall Plumlee (9th Round) Derryck Thornton (15th Round) Farad Cabb (16th Round) and few more.

Draft Grade- F

Glen Garvin Aka Cooney Sucks

The Founder, the Commish, the only participant who has been in this league every single season since 1987. 1987, that was a special year. The year I founded the Pertin Institute in Rockholm, Montana. Unfortunately due to running toilets and poor funding the Institute closed down after just 14 weeks. Still, it was the first Institute of its kind to preserve ancient Corn Rock, once brought here by Christopher Columbus himself and later founded by his successor Blakely the Lion Fef the 34th. It is now a Arby’s I believe or a Sonic, not sure.

But the Founder has done a great job keeping this league going all these years, with passion and excellence. It truly is a joy for the members

Appearances: 29, Titles 4 (1991, 1996, 2002, 2011)

Best Picks- Tyler Ulis *subconsciously wrote Tyler Cooney here, or it’s very late and that Steve’s Sizzler steak is fogging by brain. (2nd Round) Jaysean Paige (3rd Round) Tarik Phillip (8th Round) Wes Washpun (15th Round)

Anti Gary Picks- Peter Jok (6th Round) Abdel Nader (9th Round) Eric McCellan (17th Round) Tyler Lydon (20th Round)

Draft Grade– C+

John Donadio

I have to be honest, I do not know much about the man they call Donadio. I have never met him or seen him. He could be a myth? But one thing is for sure he has not been a legend. It appears he first joined in 2008 and has not a title. He is the secret man, he could be in the CIA? I don’t know, but he must love the game here and who could blame him. Could you blame the damn man? And he must have loved the game Oregon Trail and enjoys stacked Pancakes. But sometimes it’s better to shut your mouth then to be known a fool as they say. But no one will argue with the man who is behind the stage and yet still is profound, with fervor with glee, with strength, with a mighty sword to swing. Or it could be Jerry, the local Postman just delivering the mail again.

*Donadio is known for taking very low point scorers on high seeds. But the Oregon trail strategy could work, perhaps no team looked more impressive this season than Oregon in their Conference Championship blowout over Utah.

Appearances: 8, Titles O

Best Picks- Dylan Brooks (7th Overall) Chris Boucher (3rd round) Eron Harris (4th Round Jevon Carter (8th Round)

Anti Gary Picks- Jarrod Uthoff (5th overall) Melvin Johnson (6th overall) Carlton Bragg (14th Overall) Marvin Clark (15th Overall) Josh Perkins (17th overall)

Draft Grade B-

Kenny D

The defending champ and he’s not hesitant to remind you or shout it from the mountain tops, Kenneth severely needed it after a 13 year hiatus. Can he continue the momentum after last year’s victory? Or will he buried by the masses. Because turn your back for too long and your post is ambushed, taken, and gone. Kind of like when my Kid Sister took my Rambo collection and tossed it off the Briangton Cliff after I took a poopie in her shoe. Ken, an original member of the 1987 inaugural season, will be looking for back to back titles something only two franchises have accomplished in the 29 years of this league. Or maybe it’s 28 years, forgive Old Gary. Somebody please rectify!!! Either way it shows how hard of a feat it is here.

Appearances:  24-26, Titles 2 (2001) (2015)

Best Picks- Jaylen Brown (8th overall) Jabrari Bird (9th Round) Lester Medford (13th Round) Mo Alie-Cox (15th Round) Dyshawn Pierre (16th Round) Derek Walton (20th Round)

Worst Picks- Justin Jackson (2nd Round) Kelan Martin (1oth Round) Michael Young (12th Round) James Robinson (14th Round) Anthony Clemmons (17th Round)

Draft Grade– C

Mike Esposito Aka Neighbor Boy

What is this Neighbor Boy? I have not heard of this. I must have been in the caves for too long. Could it mean that he’s your neighbor? Or he wants to be your neighbor? Will he drop off Apple Pie? Espo used to be the one to bring the excellent Italian spread for each tournament that opening Thursday. It would usually last at least 3 days. Easily one of the most astute and knowledgeable members in this league, Espo is due for another title. He has not won since 1999. Could this finally be the year? Can he break the losing streak? It’s been a longggg time coming for Espo, and I will tell your right now, I may have others that I am rooting for more, but if Espo wins this I will not be a sad man. I will certainly send him some cherries and coins. Will a change come? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0k5rYcXLYg

Appearances: 18, Titles 1 (1999)

Best Picks- Jamal Murray (9th overall) Elgin Cook (2nd Round) Devin Williams (4th Round) Davon Reed (6th Round) Desi Rodriguez (12th Round) Justin Sears (16th Round)

Worst Picks– Robert Carter (8th Round) Jake Lyman (9th Round) Matt Thomas (11th Round)

Draft Grade– B

Evan Swalling

Evan, the last of the remaining 1987 original members left, has the longest drought of anyone. He has not won since 1988, the year he graduated High School!!! Mullets were still in style. Oh boyyyyy that is a long time. Espo is due, but if anybody is truly due, it’s Swalling. A former High School coach and most definitely a student of the game, needs to get it done!  He understands the game as much as anyone in this league. But again, this is a very hard league to win. There are no keepers and players and teams change every single year. Is there a chance he wins this year? There always is, no matter how high the odds.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMRrNY0pxfM

Appearances: 25-27, Titles 1 (1988)

Best Picks: Frank Mason (2nd Overall) Sheldon McClellan (4th Overall) Jameel Mckay (11th Round) Isaiah Wilkins (15th Round) Kaleb Tarzu (16th Round)

Worst Picks- Luke Kennard (5th Round) James Farr (6th Round) Matt Jones (7th Round) Lorenzo Bonam (9th Round)

Draft Grade- C+

Ken Sullivan Aka CruCap

Where have all the Cowboys Gone? Rider on the Storm? Hot Blooded? Cherokee Rick and the 4 Horsemen? Sully started solo then partnered with Dusty then went back to solo. Kind of like a Rock n Roll band. He broke off the group to go solo in his own band. Baracudda!!!!!!!!!!!!! He claimed a title in 2012.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4nWy8pmIM4 .Wow play that song a few times when you hit the elliptical.

Appearances: 10 Solo, 1 title (2012) , 3 with Dusty.

Best Picks– Wayne Selden (2nd Round) Daxter Miles (6th Round) Zach Auguste (9th Round)

Worst Picks – Jakob Poeltl (1st Round) Ryan Ardicianao (3rd Round) Kyle Wiltjer (5th Round) Troy Williams (7th Round) Lamonte Bearden (20th Round)

Draft Grade- D

Marvin & Davies

Marvin changes teams like I like change my underpants, once every 3 years or so. Marvin is infamous for blowing up the bathroom in the basement, perhaps worse than any other member. It has stained the minds of all who had to suffer through that. It’s very hard to track his membership. It appears he also takes a year off every now and then, although it seems like he’s in it every year.  He has since joined up with Brian Davies, who was first spotted in this league dating back to 1994 with Mark “Rolls’ Werner!!!! Wowww. Davies also has changed partners multiple times. Davies is known for making contrarian picks and having them work out. No doubt he has a unique perspective on this tournament and I respect that. I respect Men who go from the norm, blaze their own trails. This seemed like an unlikely partnership, but it has formed. Have they found a marriage here? How will it pan out and how long will it last? Judging from the past, not long, but we shall see.

Appearances: Marvin truly unknown 5-7?, Titles 0? Davies 14, 1 Title (2010)

Best Picks- Tyler Dorsey (1st Round) Bryan Forbes (2nd Round) Isaiah Whitehead (4th round) Marvelle Harris (12th round) Josh Hagins (16th round) Zak Irvin (20th Round)

Worst Picks– Rasheed Suliamon (8th round) Svilaslsaov MookyMook (10th Round)

Draft Grade– B

That is all everyone. Gary must depart now. I am off to breakfast at the famous Bendix Diner. Tell Suzy to send a letter and tell Rose to meet me in the back!!! Tell George to have the muffins ready and tell Lance to pick me up 9am Sharp!! Were headed to bet on some ponies!!! And then we will enjoy the games, just like the rest of you. I love it. We love it. Time to get sooped up. And so, may the best team win. All the best to all, to all the best. I hope to make another appearance somewhere around the Sweet 16 or Elite 8, we shall see. But after this weekend I am headed out once again. Out to venture. Actually, I am going to my Mother in Laws house for 3 weeks to help her build a oven. I hope you respect my draft grades. Ol Gary watches just as much as anyone and this is how I truly feel. Love to all. But I will leave you with this, to get you ready. From the great Gus Johnson, a dear friend, the best College Basketball announcer of All-Time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Gary Is Back

Yes, Ohhhh yes, Yes, Oh yes, Pears? Yess, No, Larry stop eating my Crumbcake!!!!  Who? Where? Who is this? Mitt Romney? Gloria Vanderbilt? Lance? Blair? Toops? Linda Connors? The extra in the Cave from Batman Returns? Ronnie Turiaf’s Cousin? Mark Eaton’s Ex Schoolmate? Nooooooo, Oh yes you know who this is, you Have Guessed it…..It… is ……Garyyyyyy  Plondersonnnnnnnn and it is Garyyyyy TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Ahhhhhh, I must say it feels good to be back after my long hiatus. Like a nice poop in the wilderness it really feels good. Except for those dry leaves!!! But I believe since the inception of my presence in this league, this is the first time I took a full year off and for that I deeply apologize. Many adventures have been taken, Oh yes, Gary has been opening his mind to new things and new sites as usual. Among the highlights were trips to the Land of Barbarian, the Lands of Gratchels and Fiery Pepper Steaks, The Jungles of the Hornblack and of course the Mountains of Beetlesaw where I conquered the ways of Lionmen. You will see me reference Lionmen several times in my article and for good reason.

But I have returned, I am back in America, the country that is my own, the country where I grew up as a schoolboy wandering around singing songs like a Free Boar. A great country we live in, although my travels have brought me some worry, I believe in our Country still. A country where a man such as myself can rotate and glide amongst the presses and deliver the articles with fullness of Liberty.  I am anxious to discuss all the new happenings of the Capital City Fantasy Football League and its 16th season, if my count is right, which I believe it is. I am eager to journey out and make my bold predictions and deliver excitement and intrigue to the masses. So, sit back, relax, grab a cup of your favorite beverage and enjoy the next moments as we embark on a new journey into the likes of quite possibly the greatest Fantasy Football League that has ever existed.

Before I start I would like to thank Glen Garvin for his many years of service as commissioner of the CCFL. He paved the way for this league, had vision when many didn’t, crossed roads many wouldn’t travel, opened windows others couldn’t open and dusted cabinets many couldn’t dust. In short, Glen is a true pioneer and visionary and I understand why he has passed the torch to Mr. Eric Probst a noble man if I must say so myself. Glen has led the path for future generations and commissioners to lead with the prowess that he did.  And for that I say Thank you.

I would also like to say a kind thanks to all the league members for the constant support through the years. Now let’s get into the games as some of the action has already begun.

Note: Gary’s career prediction record is 26-12 so take these selections VERY SERIOUSLY. Also if you would like to get to know more about Gary check out my About Page. There also will be more links to click on as you go along, thanks for reading.

 

#1 Flying Hellfish vs #8 Duffmen

Mr. Probst and the more silent but deadly (like my Uncle Benk’s Farts) Darrison Wharton are yet again a top the CCFL with the No. 1 Seed. This is a team that year in and year out straight BRINGS IT. With two titles under their belt and at least three, possibly four, Superbowl appearances they are easily one of the best Franchises the CCFL has to offer. Sidenote, My energy is on fire right now, I hope I can keep this pace up, reminds me of my 8th grade dance where I danced the night away to Hot Blooded by Foreigner. After Wes Welker and Chris Johnson overcame their slow starts to the season the Hellfish really started to turn it on and along with Drew Brees, LeSean McCoy and Frank Gore who also helped them they secured the No. 1 spot. Actually forget all that, a man that looks like he could easily be Carson Palmer’s older brother in Brandon Myers secured him the #1 spot by catching 5 balls for 50 yards in the last two minutes of the game to outduel the Pizons and claim the the top spot. However Myers let him down bigtime tonight, more on that in a bit.

Talk about stark contrasts, the Duffmen on the other hand have been historically one of the absolute worst Franchises in the CCFL historically. Ian gave it a go for a good six or seven years but with maybe just one or two playoff spots under his trousers he retired coming into 2012. Some say that the globalists, powers that be, New World Order whatever you want to call them forced Ian out because he was exposing their master plan, therefore they wanted him OUT asap. But most likely there is no conspiracy here, this was just a failing Franchise and when the bottomline keeps dwindling it’s time to save face and that’s exactly what they did.

The Duffmen were quickly bought out by Jeff Badaan and in a shocking move they kept the Duffmen name. “We honor and respect past members of this illustrious league and therefore wanted to please the fans and keep the original name while at the same time bring a new found prestige to the Franchise,” Mr. Badaan said. And bring prestige they did, in just his first season, Mr. Badaan brought this team to the Playoffs, a job well done indeed. Leading the Duffmen attack are such names as Peyton Manning, Vincent Jackson, Jermaine Gresham and Jimmy Graham.

In what was a excellent move, the Hellfish went with Knowshon Moreno in a great matchup against the Oakland Raiders. Moreno proceeded to go off for a total of 22.7 points as he had over 150 total yards with a TD. Last week’s savior however, Brandon Myers, had an absolute dud game with just one catch for seven yards. Will that come back to bite the Fish? The Duffmen meanwhile threw out their Stud QB tonight in Peyton Manning but he had a mediocre 16.4 points, throwing for just one TD.

Prediction: This will be a close game, the Duffmen will give the Hellfish all they can handle, but in the end the 10-point seed advantage, the Knowshon Moreno start and Drew Brees will prove to be the difference as the Hellfish edge out the Duffmen 110.7 to 101.4.

#2 Stone Cutters vs # 7 Gearheads

Mr. Garvin was on his absolute “A” game this season finishing with a very impressive point output leading the league as well as securing the No. 2 seed. Some say the early banter with newcomer Jason Wood who took over the Sonz of Thunder Franchise, sparked the the ex-commissioner. Now, I read most of the talk and I must say that reminded me of an old fashioned Western movie I used to love called “Hit the Baker with a Pipe”. Some serious jawing back and forth was going on and neither side backed down. There was however some controversial statements, that I will not get into. I hope both sides have moved on from the scuffle at this point and show that they are men of virtue.

Nonetheless, the Cutters led by Tom Brady, Marshawn Lynch, Stevan Ridley, Andre Johnson, Brandon Marshall and the recently injured Rob Gronkowski, perhaps have one of their most talented teams in a long time. The Gronkowski injury was a big one, they are also missing Willis McGahee who would have been in Mr. Knowshon Moreno’s spot tonight. But there are no excuses, this is the NFL and injuries happen all the time, the key is to overcome those injuries by building quality depth through various methods and fight through the season like a Lionman.

Similar to the Duffmen, the Gearheads led by Paul Neihoff haven’t had much success either, but they certainly have showed more guts and resolve then the previous Duffmen administration. They have also to my knowledge been in the Playoffs multiple times and could have possibly made a Super Bowl appearance at one point. Ol Gary’s memory isn’t what it used to be! I blame the Good Marijuana that I got from Mr. ahemmmm, I won’t reveal who my source is! But the Gearheads quite possibly could have their best team of all-time with excellent buys this year in Doug Martin and RG3. This team’s future is as bright as my Aunt Sheila’s famous Smile. They are also backed with Tony Gonzalez who continues to get it done, Owen Daniels and Lance Moore. They could also put in Matt Ryan if they wished, but this week it appears Griffin will get the nod. A big injury they suffered was losing Percy Harvin who will not return this season, but like I said injuries happen to all. Lionmen fight through, Quailmen falter and get stomped on by Russian Boots.

Prediction: Neither team had a player go tonight, but the Stone Cutters start with a seven- point advantage. This is going to hurt my beloved ex-commish, but he will have to yet wait another year to claim his first title as he will fall to the Gearheads. The combination of RG3, Doug Martin, Tony Gonzalez and Owen Daniels will prove too much to overcome as the Cutters have some tough matchups this week. I hope I am wrong, but it does appear that the Rob Gronkowski injury could end up costing the Cutters this game, unless Colin Kaepernick can get Vernon Davis the ball.

Gearheads 104.1 Cutters 93.5.

# 3 The Andy Reid Fitness Project vs # 6 Pizons

Interesting that these two supposed Fantasy “Guru’s” meet up in the first round of the Playoffs. As fate would have it because of yes, the Man, the Myth the Legend that is Brandon Myers, the Pizons were outed from the #1 seed and fell all the way to the #6 to battle TARFP.

Mike DeAngelo who was a very solid owner and who claimed a title back in 2008 (and still to this day takes full credit for the Phillyfish’s title in 98 because he drafted their team that year) resigned this past year, making way for Jason Wood to step up and display his Fantasy Skills amongst these brethren. Mr. Wood of Footballguys.com was a great addition to the league and much credit goes to Jabronees owner Steve Hertzberg for recruiting him. The TARFP, like the Duffmen had a very impressive debut season and backed up his Fantasy reputation by finishing as the # 3 seed.

Tarfp is led by Andrew Luck, Eric Decker, Dez Byrant, Mikel Leshoure, Alfred Morris and the ever so hot T.Y. Hilton and Danario Alexander, who were both late season pickups and excellent ones at that. He came in at a disadvantage and made some nice selections along with some quality pickups and that is why his team is where it is now. He also showed his fiery nature and showed he wasn’t going to get bullied being the “New Guy” spouting back at Garvin as we mentioned before. This reminds me of when I first moved to Spoonfield, Mississippi and the neighborhood kids clowned me because I carried a Grape colored umbrella. They called me Umbrella Man and Grape Boy and used to wack me with it all the time. But after some consult with my late Father, Larry “The Unicorn” Plonderson, I took that Umbrella and put it where the Earth don’t go. Just a lesson to all the Young Folks, don’t let them bully ya! Of course this was real life and not internet talk! Again I hope the two men have moved on, but it is yet to be seen if any further confrontation will insist.

The Pizons owned by Steve DeAngelo have also been a proud franchise in the CFFL. They have claimed a league-high three championships and have made the SuperBowl four times. After missing the Playoffs last season, they return this year with a fairly solid team. Ray Rice, Julio Jones, Randall Cobb, Aaron Hernandez, and Jordy Nelson anchor the squad. Like Wood, DeAngelo also is associated with Fantasy Football sites, one in Fantasypros911.com and his own site Fantasysavvy.com.

Prediction: Well I don’t know if these two are Guru’s, my plumber couldn’t even plunge my toilet last week showing he wasn’t no Guru, but hey maybe some mistakes just can’t be fixed. I did order five porkchop sandwiches from Linda’s Wagon Buffet and took a serious hot one that day.

But I think the #5 point advantage proves to be the difference in this one as TARFP outduels the Pizons and wins 103.5 to 100.4. Prove me wrong Pizons!

# 4 Kinnelon Kid vs # 5 The Spreaders

The Kinnelon Kid comes into the Playoffs as the hottest team in league, finishing 2nd in points and being winners of six straight. This Franchise is no stranger to success as they have claimed two titles in their history and also are the only team to have ever record an undefeated season back in 2003 when they were then known as the “Butler Boy”. Ken DeAngelo has an incredibly talented team led by Arian Foster, Roddy White,  Adrian Peterson, Jason Witten, Cam Newton and newly acquired Calvin Johnson. I hate to say it, but they once again swindled the Topes! This team is flat out dangerous and in my humble opinion they are the most talented team in the Playoff field.

The Spreaders or sometimes called “Spreadiessssssss” have enjoyed a lot of success despite never winning a title. They have been to the big show once before however. Mr. Al Philippy and Son Cory Philippy are best known for their strategy of grabbing at least three or four tight ends in the draft, but seemed to fray from that this season. Maybe that is because of the new addition of partial Owner Thomas Garvin? Garvin could be the youngest owner in CCFL History beating out Steve DeAngelo who was 14 years old when he started out in the CCFL.

The Spreaders squad is led by Tony Romo, A.J. Green, Trent Richardson, Steven Jackson and Jermaine Gresham who is questionable to play on Sunday. This is a very formidable team and I am quite impressed by the job the Spreaders have done. Lord knows they don’t spend a freckle of the time others do on this Fantasy Stuff, yet the Spreaders deliver success year in and year out to their Fans. This team has the potential to get to the Big Show once again.

Prediction: The Kid started at a three-point disadvantage but had Denver D and Matt Prater score 20 points for him tonight to give him the early lead. Although the Spreaders will put up a nice performance led by A.J. Green and Trent Richardson, the Kid just has too much firepower and will outlast the Spreadies by winning 120.3 to 111.5.

That’s it folks, I hope you have enjoyed my latest piece and again I apologize for the long absence. But let me not forget to shout out the teams that did not make the Fantasy Playoffs this year. I really enjoy a lot of these Owners and missed writing about them.

The two-time champion Duck led by Ray Alvarez and Dusty Schmidt just had a rough season and no doubt will be back in full force next season with plenty of money to spend. The Dancin Homers who claimed a title in 2000 are also missed; TJ however should be thanked mightily for his work performed during Hurricane Sandy. Some things are most certainly more important than Fantasy Football. The Isotopes led by Evan Swalling had yet another disappointing season, led me recommend a name change possibly? Maybe Big Gary’s Tires? Or Pierre’s Onion Shop? But one day I know the topes will reign victorious. I believe that! The Jabronees led by Steve Hertzberg have also claimed two titles and had a disappointing year ridden by injury. I know they will be back stronger next season.

To all the fans, readers and loved ones, God Bless and have a great Christmas and New Year, Happy Hanukah to my Jewish Friends. Remember it’s a Christmas Tree not a “Holiday Tree”! ‘Ol Gary can’t promise a return next week, but I hope to be back before the Playoffs end. I have some more studying and traveling to do as well as volunteer at the local Blade Shop to measure Blade lengths. Blade 2 was also a good movie, check the trailer here. I know Wesley Snipes well, I was the one who got him the spot on the Total Gym infomercial. You can check his spot here.

But that’s it for now my Capital City Friends, before I babble any further let me shut up so you can go about your day. Until next time, remember The World ain’t going to wait for your Midget Mind, so might as well make it a double espresso and Run For the Hills like a Fierce Lionman!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Gary Plonderson.