King of Harpoons 2017: Divisional Round Analysis

Welcome back everyone as we get geared up for the divisional round of the playoffs. Hope everyone had a great week. It’s time to kick back and enjoy some great games this weekend. Screw the politics and all the banter, set that all aside this weekend, as this is what makes America great and enjoyable.

One round and four games are in the books with 7 games and three rounds left to play in the postseason. The Wild Card round provided slight clarity as to who really has a shot at winning this prestigious tournament, but so much can change still and it will only be after this weekend that we will truly have a good idea at who the true contenders are. If you didn’t read my post draft review you can check that here. Now we will get to a preview of the Divisional Round along with some projected scores and updated odds.

Bob Portman currently leads the pack after the WildCard round with 113.05 points and 6 players remaining. Bob’s team is solely reliant on Le’Veon Bell and the Pittsburgh Steelers winning this week and going to the promise land. The only other truly point producing players are Davante Adams and the Falcons D. If he can get all 3 of these teams to advance he is in business. The other three remaining players, Teron Ward, Chris Conley and DeAngelo Williams are going to give him next nothing.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 42 Points.

Updated Odds: 25-1

2nd Place is being held by Greg and Sandra Santos aka MamaBaDay60. They sit at 106.10 points with 6 players left. They got two huge opening round performances from Thomas Rawls and Antonio Brown and need these core players to advance. Or at least one of them. Alex Smith makes his playoff debut this weekend as does Cole Beasley, two solid selections. His other remaining players are Jesse James and Jeff ” My Mom makes one hell of a meatloaf” Janis. I like their position more so than RJPortman’s as they will move ahead of him after this round. I think they has a very nice shot to take this tournament down.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 56 Points.

Updated Odds: 10-1

KennyD was the brunt of many jokes around these circles including from yours truly after his surprising lackluster draft performance. But that all changed 4pm last Saturday as Big Brock Osweiler and Ryan Griffin got off to a hot start and then on Sunday when Randall Cobb finished with three TD’s. Ken has 105.10 points and has all 11 players left. But that  will likely dwindle heavily after this weekend. Ken will just have to hope Brock gives him some kind of solid performance before he bows out this weekend against the Pats. He will also need the Packers to keep it rolling as he has both Randall Cobb and Jordy Nelson. Nelson will be out this weekend however, but maybe Cobb can perform for the both of them like he did last week. Devonta Freeman is a key piece that he will having going and his other two best producing players are Steven Hauschka and Steelers D. Lance Dunbar, Lucky Whitehead, Sammie Coates and Jermaine Kearse likely will give him less than 10 points combined this weekend, but you never know maybe Sammie  or Jermaine  come out of the woodwork somehow. While Ken had a good start to this tournament, Ol’ Gary thinks he doesn’t have the lasting power to sustain. But he proved us wrong last week, maybe he can again.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 65 Points

Updated Odds: 30-1

Frank Thoma aka Griplip is in 4th place with 98.25 points and 8 players left. Frank will need Seattle to win today and advance to the SuperBowl to have any shot to win this as Doug Baldwin and the Seattle D anchor the team. DeAndre Hopkins is going bye-bye after this weekend, but maybe he go out with a bang. LeGarrette Blount is the last main piece that he will need to remain and as this is the New England Invitational in the AFC, Blount will likely last all the way. But we will get enough points from the others? Jared Cook, Demarcus Ayers, and Justin Hardy aren’t going to get it done. He will need Cairo Santos to advance this week and have a nice performance. Frank needs a Seattle/Pats SB. It is possible.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 72 Points

Updated Odds: 15-1

Espo aka Zerooo is in 5th place with 85.60 points and 9 players left. Can Aaron Rodgers keep it going and keep the Packers winning streak alive? Espo’s chances rest on his shoulders. He also has Ty Montgomery. Dez Byrant and Dan Bailey are the insurance in case the Pack do go down. Paul Richardson had a huge opening round game and he will need him to advance as well.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 78 Points

Updated Odds: 10-1

DKDMoney, Dylan and Jake, the DeAngelo Bros are in 6th place with 75.95 points and 6 players left. They simply need a Cowboys and Chiefs SB with Zeke and Kelce. The rest of team is going to do next to nothing for them with guys like Terrance Williams, James Starks and Darius-Heyward Bey. The Texans D are done after this game and they lost their kicker and QB last round. Not a great introductory Harpooner for the young gunners, but they should get better over the years.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 45 Points

Updated Odds: 50-1

7th spot is Chase Licata with 67.90 points and 9 players left. Chase like Frank, also needs a Seattle/New England SB with Russell Wilson, Jimmy Graham, Malcolm Mitchell (questionable this week) and Chris Hogan. Well really he needs Seattle to go all the way because the Pats guys just won’t produce enough. Witten, Packers D and Nick Novak are his other best point producing players left. Seattle or Bust.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 70 Points

Updated Odds: 13-1

Swift456, Steve DeAngelo is in 8th place with 56.60 points and 7 players left. O’Dell Beckham was a killer as he was his 2nd pick overall and provided just five points. At least Jarvis Landry went out with a bang and 22 points. Steve needs both #1 Seeds to stick to the script and get to the SB as he has Dak, Cowboys D, Gostkowski, Dion Lewis and Danny Amendola. The only other decent contributor he has is Christine Michael. Steve has the most likely SB scenario so his chances look very good, but if the Cowboys lose this weekend he is done.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 59 Points

Updated Odds: 5-1

9th place currently is Evan Swalling with 40.85 points and 8 players left. Evan’s squad is heavy AFC with Big Ben, Jeremy Maclin, Martellus Bennett and James White repping as the teams best remaining performers. Really the only chance I see Evan having is if the Steelers go to the Superbowl. But that would likely be offset by MamaBaDay and RJPortman having Le’Veon Bell and Antonio Brown and already being so far ahead in points. Plus Ben has been bad on the road all season and is playing with a bum ankle because Mike Tomlin had him in during garbage time. Maybe he can squeeze in a Taylor Gabriel SB appearance with an explosion in points his next three games. Gary don’t see though. Reminds me I need to eat more carrots and bring my dear Mother to the Eye Doc tomorrow.

Divisional Round Projected Score:62 Points 

Updated Odds 40-1

10th Place Robby D/Freehole23 with 37.70 points and 8 players left. Rob’s first pick Tom Brady goes off this weekend and should light up the scoreboard against the Texans. But outside of Brady where is he going to get points from? Michael Floyd? Tevin Coleman? Sanu? Pats are likely going to the SB, but will that be enough to get it done? He will need Michael Floyd to become a key weapon for Brady with the Falcons going to the SB. Coleman could have some nice games. Not sure he will have enough points when it’s all said and done, will see. It’s a shame he doesn’t have a K or Defense left to give steady producing points.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 50 Points

Updated Odds: 20-1

11th place is Joe Portman aka Plunker with 31.15 points and 8 players left. Right now Connor Cook is currently still the best 11 pick overall, beating out Phins D by .5 points. However that could change with CJ Prosise probably playing this week and/or Demarcus Ayers who has 3 points currently getting another 5+ points. This may be Joe’s only hope at the money, unless of course the Falcons go to the SB and he gets a Julio/Edelman combo along with Pats D and Matt Bryant. That a solid core 4 there and is better than most. It has real lasting power and that is the key in these post season tournaments. Joe is way down in points 81 points behind the leader so he does have some making up to do. Still we like his chances here.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 70 Points

Updated Odds: 7-1

Last place currently, although that doesn’t mean to much at this juncture is Gary Portman with 22.90 points and 9 players left. Gary’s team is all about a KC/Atlanta SB with Matt Ryan, Tyreek Hill, Spencer Ware, and Chiefs D. He also has some other producers left with Mason Crosby and C.J. Prosise who has a good shot at playing against Atlanta. If KC and Atlanta do meet in the Superbowl, Gary will likely come all the way from 12th place to the top of the heap. A Green Bay victory over Dallas would help tremendously.

Divisional Round Projected Score: 70 Points

Updated Odds: 8-1

Well that’s it for now, a little less humour in this article than in previous posts, but that’s only because sometimes the Harpoons is serious business. Can’t always been just fun and games. Everybody have a great weekend, enjoy the games, until next week this is Gary Plonderson saying, Sustain the Winds, Ride through the Fogs!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2016 NCAA Tournament: Players Pool Intro w/ Gary Plonderson

 

YES!! I am finally here, I know you have been waiting. Sorry for the long hiatus. I have been on a plethora of different excursions around the world and my Fantasy Writeups have had to take somewhat of a backseat. Travels to Monaco, Charlestown, Delaware, Ireland, Turkey, Bucketville, Horace Grants Steakhouse, the Arfin Trail, Geef Island and Sarah’s Ricotta Geel Rip.  Safe to say Ol Gary got a fewwww items of that Bucketlist!!! It’s called living, try it sometime.   But seriously, it feels good to be back. After my landing in the beautiful city of Teterboro on my private plane, I headed right over to Steve Sizziling steakhouse for a long dinner with some old Jersey Pals. That is why I wasn’t able to join you guys earlier. But I am here now ready for action, ready to attack like a Zebra with wings against a Lion for Revenge. Ready to saturate the market. Ready to Absorb and spit out numbers and facts like a 23 year-old Korean Stockbroker. Yes Gary is back. Yes Gary. Gary is here, Gary. Gary man. Ok enough about me, although if you want to hear more about my travels,  check out Amazon for my new book, Travels Amongst the Furlong.  Buy the book and get a free GaryWagon at GarywagonGary/Garywagon/Gary/YesIt’sGary.com. Put in the Promo code Chip Lohmiller. Ok let’s get to it, March Madness is here, simply the best time of the year. Pull up your trousers, adjust your contacts or glasses, watch with passion, watch with Zeal, focus like an Owl and get ready for the greatest tournament ever created.

*One note, I have no record of the winner in 2013. Whoever I missed in my title announcements, I apologize.  And I may be off on some things. Feel free to correct me by sending a letter in the Mail to P.O. Box 467 Jenkins Highway, South Dakota. I am using an old history book that I found in my old langston walker briefcase.

Eric Probst aka Hield the Children

Eric Probst a Cuse alum and I believe former roommate in college of our prestigious founder and commissioner Glen Garvin, finally rejoined the fun two years ago after a long break.  In his first year back he took down the crown for his first every title. He wasn’t able to repeat in 2015, but does come back with #1 pick Buddy Hield this year. Probst, a longtime member of the Capital City Fantasy Football league, recently departed after being one of the best owners there. So no doubt, from EP, you are going to see a sound and solid performance each year. His return is welcomed as he improves the overall competitive nature of this magnificent league.

Appearances: 7, Titles 1 (2014)

Best Picks– Buddy Hield (1st Overall pick), Danuel House (2nd round), Anthony Gil (3rd Round), Isaiah Briscoe (9th Round), Makai Mason (17th Round), Tre’ Mclean (last overall pick)

Anti Gary Picks– Jonathan Motley (4th round) Diamond Stone (5th Round) Phil Booth (10th round) Khadeem Lattin (15th Round)

Draft Grade – C+

JJ&Kowalski Aka Deacons

JJ a Wake Forest Alum, longs for the days of  Jeff Teague, Tim Duncan, Randolph Childress.  (one of the most memorable crossovers of all time) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRJMsoIptQo Wake has been awful of late. Maybe they should bring back Dino.

But historically and for the most part this combo has been pretty competitive and with Wake out of the tournament that should eliminate any bias picks. Kowalski hasn’t made a pick in 5 years says JJ, but perhaps he should utilize his partners knowledge. No I In team, but there is an I in winning?  Kowalski looks like he was the original owner of this team back in 98 with JJ joining or finally being recognized in 2004.

Appearances:  Kowalski 6 Solo, Kevin and JJ 12, Titles 1 (2006)

Best Picks- Denzel Valentine (2nd Overall Pick) DeAndre’ Bembry (8th Round)

Anti Gary Picks– Jalen Jones (2nd Round) A.J. Hammons (4th Round) Jalen Brunson (5th Round) Trevor Cooney (15th Round) DJ Hogg (17th Round)

Draft Grade– D

Ray & Dusty Aka RazorSchmatt

Ahh, my favorite combo Dusty and Ray , Ray and Dusty, they go together like Cheetos and Wet Naps. Dusty also makes some of the best Ribs you will ever taste. I tasted them one time, after I did have some stains on the left side of my shorts, but it was well worth it. Those Ribs were amazing and I await the day when I can try them again. But this combo has had a very successful franchise in the Capital City Football league. The Duck won yet another title this season and are now tied for the league record with 4 titles. But this league is an entirely different story. O’Dell Beckham is not here to save them. According to my records they have yet to claim a title as partners. And many solo runs by Ray before partnering with Dusty were unsuccessful. Dusty an original member of the 87 inaugural season had three solo appearances in 87, 98 & 2003 that were failures before he joined up with Ken Sullivan in 2004. That lasted until 2006 without success and then Dusty  joined with Ray in 2007 after some slight squabbles with Sully. What happened between Ken and Dusty though? Did Dusty see the success his Duck partnership in Football was having and make an executive decision, being the man of vision Dusty is? Or did somebody take a turd in somebody else’s pillow after a long, long night of drinking. Nobody may ever know the truth, nevertheless I believe it was for the best for all parties. But I have not seen all three of these guys in quite some time and I hope to see them soon.

Appearances: Dusty & Ray 9, Dusty (3 Solo, 2 with Ken Sullivan) Ray (6 Solo) ,  0 Title

Best Picks- Perry Ellis (3rd overall Pick),

Anti Gary Picks- Trevon Bluiett (2nd Round) Brandon Ingram (3rd Round) Jordan Loveridge (6th Round) Jordan McLaughlin  (11th Round) Jamel Artis (13th Round) and the two other USC guys and Austin Peay guy.

Draft Grade – F  

Steve DeAngelo & Dennis Severino

Always a dangerous tandem, Steve and Dennis went on a great run from 2007-2009 winning 3 titles in a row, something that has not been done by any other franchise. Steve who first joined this league back in 1996, at just 14 years old , but then took a few years hiatus, claimed his own title in 2004 , until joining forces with Dennis 2006. It truly has been a great partnership. However, they have not won since 2009, which is somewhat surprising, but not surprising because this tournament is very hard to win. Truly a league of extraordinary gentlemen. Usually playing the strategy of stacking a team or two and riding them to the Final 4 and Finals, they went away from that this year and only doubled up on one team which was a 6 seed in Seton Hall. We will see if this new strategy pans out. The lack of an overall stronghold team may have played a part in that.

Appearances: Steve 6 Solo, Titles 1 (2004) Steve & Dennis 10, Titles 3 (2007, 2008, 2009)

Best Picks- Brice Johnson (4th Overall) Angel Rodriguez (4th Round) Ivan Rabb (6th Round) Khadeen Carringon (8th Round) 

Anti Gary Picks- (Landen Lucas 7th Round)

Draft Grade- B

Joe Grippo & Phil DeAngelo 

Welcome to the Players Pool tournament Joe Grippo. It’s been a long time coming. After many appearances in the infamous basement watching the tournament, you have finally joined perhaps the greatest Fantasy Tournament known to Man. Phil DeAngelo who has had many appearances in this league, without any success at all, has brought Grippo in to be his partner and General Manager. Big Phil has had some solo appearances and many partners without positive results. One of his partners one year proceeded to take everybody from the Big East, that didn’t work out well. Grippo recently traveled to Florida to meet Phil, no doubt after Phil called him and told him to get his ass down there to discuss this partnership. On the surface it looks to be a great partnership, but we will see how Grippo’s draft skills fare amongst this skilled group of men. One thing is for sure, Grippo better “Move his Ass” as Phil likes to say or “He’s Gone!”

Appearances: Phil DeAngelo 10, 0 Titles, Phil & Joe (1st year this season)

Best Picks- Malcolm Brogdon (5th Overall) Derrick Gordon (20th Round)

Anti Gary Picks- Josh Hart (2nd Round) Daniel Ochefu (5th Round) Nate Britt (7th Round) Marshall Plumlee (9th Round) Derryck Thornton (15th Round) Farad Cabb (16th Round) and few more.

Draft Grade- F

Glen Garvin Aka Cooney Sucks

The Founder, the Commish, the only participant who has been in this league every single season since 1987. 1987, that was a special year. The year I founded the Pertin Institute in Rockholm, Montana. Unfortunately due to running toilets and poor funding the Institute closed down after just 14 weeks. Still, it was the first Institute of its kind to preserve ancient Corn Rock, once brought here by Christopher Columbus himself and later founded by his successor Blakely the Lion Fef the 34th. It is now a Arby’s I believe or a Sonic, not sure.

But the Founder has done a great job keeping this league going all these years, with passion and excellence. It truly is a joy for the members

Appearances: 29, Titles 4 (1991, 1996, 2002, 2011)

Best Picks- Tyler Ulis *subconsciously wrote Tyler Cooney here, or it’s very late and that Steve’s Sizzler steak is fogging by brain. (2nd Round) Jaysean Paige (3rd Round) Tarik Phillip (8th Round) Wes Washpun (15th Round)

Anti Gary Picks- Peter Jok (6th Round) Abdel Nader (9th Round) Eric McCellan (17th Round) Tyler Lydon (20th Round)

Draft Grade– C+

John Donadio

I have to be honest, I do not know much about the man they call Donadio. I have never met him or seen him. He could be a myth? But one thing is for sure he has not been a legend. It appears he first joined in 2008 and has not a title. He is the secret man, he could be in the CIA? I don’t know, but he must love the game here and who could blame him. Could you blame the damn man? And he must have loved the game Oregon Trail and enjoys stacked Pancakes. But sometimes it’s better to shut your mouth then to be known a fool as they say. But no one will argue with the man who is behind the stage and yet still is profound, with fervor with glee, with strength, with a mighty sword to swing. Or it could be Jerry, the local Postman just delivering the mail again.

*Donadio is known for taking very low point scorers on high seeds. But the Oregon trail strategy could work, perhaps no team looked more impressive this season than Oregon in their Conference Championship blowout over Utah.

Appearances: 8, Titles O

Best Picks- Dylan Brooks (7th Overall) Chris Boucher (3rd round) Eron Harris (4th Round Jevon Carter (8th Round)

Anti Gary Picks- Jarrod Uthoff (5th overall) Melvin Johnson (6th overall) Carlton Bragg (14th Overall) Marvin Clark (15th Overall) Josh Perkins (17th overall)

Draft Grade B-

Kenny D

The defending champ and he’s not hesitant to remind you or shout it from the mountain tops, Kenneth severely needed it after a 13 year hiatus. Can he continue the momentum after last year’s victory? Or will he buried by the masses. Because turn your back for too long and your post is ambushed, taken, and gone. Kind of like when my Kid Sister took my Rambo collection and tossed it off the Briangton Cliff after I took a poopie in her shoe. Ken, an original member of the 1987 inaugural season, will be looking for back to back titles something only two franchises have accomplished in the 29 years of this league. Or maybe it’s 28 years, forgive Old Gary. Somebody please rectify!!! Either way it shows how hard of a feat it is here.

Appearances:  24-26, Titles 2 (2001) (2015)

Best Picks- Jaylen Brown (8th overall) Jabrari Bird (9th Round) Lester Medford (13th Round) Mo Alie-Cox (15th Round) Dyshawn Pierre (16th Round) Derek Walton (20th Round)

Worst Picks- Justin Jackson (2nd Round) Kelan Martin (1oth Round) Michael Young (12th Round) James Robinson (14th Round) Anthony Clemmons (17th Round)

Draft Grade– C

Mike Esposito Aka Neighbor Boy

What is this Neighbor Boy? I have not heard of this. I must have been in the caves for too long. Could it mean that he’s your neighbor? Or he wants to be your neighbor? Will he drop off Apple Pie? Espo used to be the one to bring the excellent Italian spread for each tournament that opening Thursday. It would usually last at least 3 days. Easily one of the most astute and knowledgeable members in this league, Espo is due for another title. He has not won since 1999. Could this finally be the year? Can he break the losing streak? It’s been a longggg time coming for Espo, and I will tell your right now, I may have others that I am rooting for more, but if Espo wins this I will not be a sad man. I will certainly send him some cherries and coins. Will a change come? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0k5rYcXLYg

Appearances: 18, Titles 1 (1999)

Best Picks- Jamal Murray (9th overall) Elgin Cook (2nd Round) Devin Williams (4th Round) Davon Reed (6th Round) Desi Rodriguez (12th Round) Justin Sears (16th Round)

Worst Picks– Robert Carter (8th Round) Jake Lyman (9th Round) Matt Thomas (11th Round)

Draft Grade– B

Evan Swalling

Evan, the last of the remaining 1987 original members left, has the longest drought of anyone. He has not won since 1988, the year he graduated High School!!! Mullets were still in style. Oh boyyyyy that is a long time. Espo is due, but if anybody is truly due, it’s Swalling. A former High School coach and most definitely a student of the game, needs to get it done!  He understands the game as much as anyone in this league. But again, this is a very hard league to win. There are no keepers and players and teams change every single year. Is there a chance he wins this year? There always is, no matter how high the odds.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMRrNY0pxfM

Appearances: 25-27, Titles 1 (1988)

Best Picks: Frank Mason (2nd Overall) Sheldon McClellan (4th Overall) Jameel Mckay (11th Round) Isaiah Wilkins (15th Round) Kaleb Tarzu (16th Round)

Worst Picks- Luke Kennard (5th Round) James Farr (6th Round) Matt Jones (7th Round) Lorenzo Bonam (9th Round)

Draft Grade- C+

Ken Sullivan Aka CruCap

Where have all the Cowboys Gone? Rider on the Storm? Hot Blooded? Cherokee Rick and the 4 Horsemen? Sully started solo then partnered with Dusty then went back to solo. Kind of like a Rock n Roll band. He broke off the group to go solo in his own band. Baracudda!!!!!!!!!!!!! He claimed a title in 2012.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4nWy8pmIM4 .Wow play that song a few times when you hit the elliptical.

Appearances: 10 Solo, 1 title (2012) , 3 with Dusty.

Best Picks– Wayne Selden (2nd Round) Daxter Miles (6th Round) Zach Auguste (9th Round)

Worst Picks – Jakob Poeltl (1st Round) Ryan Ardicianao (3rd Round) Kyle Wiltjer (5th Round) Troy Williams (7th Round) Lamonte Bearden (20th Round)

Draft Grade- D

Marvin & Davies

Marvin changes teams like I like change my underpants, once every 3 years or so. Marvin is infamous for blowing up the bathroom in the basement, perhaps worse than any other member. It has stained the minds of all who had to suffer through that. It’s very hard to track his membership. It appears he also takes a year off every now and then, although it seems like he’s in it every year.  He has since joined up with Brian Davies, who was first spotted in this league dating back to 1994 with Mark “Rolls’ Werner!!!! Wowww. Davies also has changed partners multiple times. Davies is known for making contrarian picks and having them work out. No doubt he has a unique perspective on this tournament and I respect that. I respect Men who go from the norm, blaze their own trails. This seemed like an unlikely partnership, but it has formed. Have they found a marriage here? How will it pan out and how long will it last? Judging from the past, not long, but we shall see.

Appearances: Marvin truly unknown 5-7?, Titles 0? Davies 14, 1 Title (2010)

Best Picks- Tyler Dorsey (1st Round) Bryan Forbes (2nd Round) Isaiah Whitehead (4th round) Marvelle Harris (12th round) Josh Hagins (16th round) Zak Irvin (20th Round)

Worst Picks– Rasheed Suliamon (8th round) Svilaslsaov MookyMook (10th Round)

Draft Grade– B

That is all everyone. Gary must depart now. I am off to breakfast at the famous Bendix Diner. Tell Suzy to send a letter and tell Rose to meet me in the back!!! Tell George to have the muffins ready and tell Lance to pick me up 9am Sharp!! Were headed to bet on some ponies!!! And then we will enjoy the games, just like the rest of you. I love it. We love it. Time to get sooped up. And so, may the best team win. All the best to all, to all the best. I hope to make another appearance somewhere around the Sweet 16 or Elite 8, we shall see. But after this weekend I am headed out once again. Out to venture. Actually, I am going to my Mother in Laws house for 3 weeks to help her build a oven. I hope you respect my draft grades. Ol Gary watches just as much as anyone and this is how I truly feel. Love to all. But I will leave you with this, to get you ready. From the great Gus Johnson, a dear friend, the best College Basketball announcer of All-Time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2015 NFL Postseason: King Of Harpoons Update

Welcome to the King of Harpoons. You think your good? You think your powerful? Are you Obama? Are you Putin? Are you Stanley BentRod? You are now in the Fog, you must find a way out, you must Ride Through Fogs. You will not be helped, there will be no pity, you have packed your tools and now you are going through the forest in your vehicle of choice. Will you come out victorious? Or will you come out a piece of beat up lettuce? Time will tell and Champions will be crowned while the losers will be thrown off a Cliff, only to be mauled by a 600-pound Grizzly Beaver.

Hi everyone, I’m Dingles Batshit. Before you mock my name, know that my Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Grandfather was the King of Scotland for 49 years. Well in the play that they had on Thanksgiving Eve in the year 1478. My name means simply Great Batshit. My Grandfather was a crazy man who helped his people escape persecution from the Ethiopian Invaders.

Thanks Gramps, but enough of my story, Good Ol Dingles will be breaking down the Player Pool we have here in the King of Harpoons and the describe the current standing of all teams. My good Friend and legendary Gary Plonderson, who is traveling through the Bean Forest for the next 9 weeks has left with me with this Glorious duty, so let’s get to it.

Gary Portman holds the #1 spot after the WC round with 96.8 point but just four players remain. He was most notably hit by the heavy investment of the Cincinnati Bengals where he lost four players including A.J Green, Marvin Jones, Mike Nugent and Tyler Eifert. As we all saw, Cincinnati lost in devastating fashion after a fumble and two person foul penalties basically sealed a Pittsburgh win. The Bengals have been a hard luck franchise for some time and it continued this year. Gary is going to need the Packers and Aaron Rodgers to somehow make the Super Bowl with Gronkowski going completely off to have any chance of finishing in the money. But it appears the Cincy Investment will doom him, much like my investment into Canadian BeanSprouts which caused my Wife to leave me for a Jewish Pencil Sharpener Salesmen.

Projected Points Divisional Round: 62

Joe Portman, Gary’s Big Bro, is just 2 points behind with 94.2 points but with 7 players left. The Chiefs D was the star of the WC round for him scoring 33 points. Jordan Reed also turned in 28 points and it would have been huge if he advanced but the Skins much like the Bengals haven’t Won anything significant in a very long time. Joe will need a Peyton Manning SB ticket along with solid performances from Larry Fitzgerald to have a legit shot at taking this title. With the rest of the team comprising of Luke Goldilocks Wilson, Fitzgerald Touissant, Markus Wheaton and Danny Amendola, he will need Peyton and Larry Fitz to be the strongholds.

Projected Points in Divisional Round: 76

Matt Stone a former Champion of this tournament sits in 3rd place with 78.55 points and 9 players, tied for 2nd most. Stone is heavily invested in the Steelers with Big Ben, Martavis Bryant and Chris Boswell. He will need a banged up Big Ben to go into Denver and take down Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos. The team also comprises of Seattle D, Christine Michael, Greg Olsen, Charcandrick West and Andre Ellington. Ellington will take a backseat to David Johnson, but thoughts around these parts are that he may have a nice impact in these playoffs. Olsen in the SB will also produce a ton of points for Stone, so if he can get that Steelers victory this week he will be in fairly good shape.

Projected Points in Divisional Round: 87

The Eldest of the Portman Bros, Robert Portman, finished in 4th place after the WC round with 74.5 points and 7 players left. Emotions may have got the best of him as he went with his Favorite Team’s Emotional QB Kirk “You Like That” Cousins, while also selecting Pierre Garcon. The Skins looked to be in control after an early safety, but despite Aaron Rodgers struggles this year, the Skins D was just not good enough to contain him and the Pack. Bob def didn’t like that shit. But the worst part had to be seeing his kicker Blair Walsh miss a chip shot FG which was a pure choke job. After you watch that, you figure you are pretty much stuck in a wheelbarrow full of Wet Geese Crap.  Bob will need Jeremy Maclin, Emmanuel Sanders, Spencer Ware and the Panthers D to put up big points the rest of the way. However, it’s not likely and the first round gamble of sticking with his Skins will probably prove to be his downfall.

Projected Points in Divisional Round: 56

Frank “it’s not a tumaa” Thoma holds the 5th spot with 73 points and 8 players left. Frank lost Teddy poufy hands Bridgewater and Stefon Diggs in devastating fashion and it would have been a nice bonus to have had them advance to the next round. Antonio Brown is the lifeline of this team. And despite reports of him not looking good for this weekend, Ol Dingles has learned that from his local sources that Brown will indeed play and play well in a matchup vs the Denver Broncos and their talented secondary. Thoma will also be looking for a Packers upset of the Cards as he looks to maintain James Jones and the Packers D. Frank also will need good performances from James White and Steven Jackson as they lead the NE backfield. If Antonio Brown can advance Frank will have a legit shot, but he will live and die with Brown, much like I lived and died with my Running Fade away, Left Handed, 27 foot, Three Point Hook Shot in High school. Here is a highlight of my students successfully attempting my hookshot in Thailand in 2012. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnM9VYeF9I0

Projected Points in Divisional Round: 68

Steve D the champion from 2 years ago, is currently in 6th place 38 points back of the leader with 58.2 points and 8 players left. Steve got a big advancement with Alex Smith and two Packers Davante Adams and James Starks pressing into the next round. Tyler Lockett moved on as well but was disappointing with just 4.5 points. This team is Broncos heavy with Demaryius Thomas, Broncos D, and Brandon McManus. The other key piece to this team is David Johnson. With a Broncos win and Cardinals win, Steve will be in a nice position with some solid point producing players going into the Championship round. Even if the Packers win he will be looking fairly good. A win by the Chiefs will obviously put Steve in prime position, but this team is basically reliant on Denver making a run to the SB. Steve is the commish and a good friend of Plonderson, so from my Family to his, Happy Freaking New Year Pal, hope to see you at the Eagle Conference in Idaho next Winter.

Projected Points in Divisional Round: 105

Petey C 2nd place finisher last year is currently in the 7th slot with 57.5 points and 5 players left. DeAndre Hopkins was the biggest loss of the 1st round. Travis Kelce had a nice 1st round 22-point performance and he will most certainly need a KC upset of New England to have any chance of winning this. Cam Newton will also need to make the SB as the rest of his team is pretty weak. He had both the Texans D and Texans kicker so those were big losses in the 1st round. He will also need Eddie Lacy to lay off the FlapJacks and Chitlins in preparation for Sundays Game.

Projected Points in Divisional Round: 62

Robby D aka Hack is in 8th place with 53.3 points and 9 players left. Brian Hoyer was completely devastating as he was a turnover machine, finishing with -.8 points. DeAngelo Williams not playing in the 1st round was also costly and reports are he may miss the matchup vs the Broncos. Rob is going to need a Seattle, New England ride to the SB with his Doug Baldwin and Julian Edelman WR combo to have any shot of finishing in the money. Problem is, there isn’t much firepower coming from the rest of his squad. Most likely during the draft Rob was hitting the electronic pipe researching the last 10 and watching highlights of Spurs C Boban Marjanovic as he looks to maintain his Excellence in Fantasy NBA.

Projected Points in Divisional Round: 80

Kenny D sits in 9th place with 45.4 points and 9 players left and has a decent roster remaining. Russell Wilson’s 12-point performance was surprising but at least he advanced with the Blair Walsh miss. Ken maintains Wilson, Michael Floyd C.J Anderson, and K Catanzaro as his top weapons. Ken will need a Seattle Run to the SB along CJ turning into the old CJ and Denver getting back to the title game. In the meantime, maybe he can get some more contributions from Jordan Todman, Albert Wilson and Heath Miller as most likely none of them will advance past the divisional round. Stranger things have happened however, like when I lost my cooking apron and then found it hanging in my neighbors closet 41 years later. Pretty strange if you ask me.

Projected Points in Divisional Round: 85

 

Michael Esposito “Espo” sits in 10th place with 40.7 points and just 6 players left. Heavily invested into the Bengals much like Gary Portman, Espo lost 3 Bengals in horrid fashion by losing A.J. McCarron, Jeremy Hill and Giovanni Bernard. Word is, his neighbor, Chuck Tekels, who lives 6 houses down heard him screaming at his TV relentlessly, shouting multiple obscenities throughout the Bengalis game. Also a old lady was hit with a Chocolate Chip Cookie and fell onto his lawn while walking her dog in the neighborhood. No cops were called or charges pressed, however. To make matters worse, Marshawn Lynch, his #1 pick, was ruled out for the game against the Vikings. Whelp, that pretty much seals it for Espo, but I’m sure he will use this as heavy motivation for the NCAA Players Pool upcoming in March. Hope to see you at Miami Mike’s!!!

Projected Points in Divisional Round: 68

11th place goes to the brand new Pops Dennis Severino. Receiving one of the lowest draft grades by my colleague Gary Plonderson, Severino escaped the WC round with just 35 points while keeping 7 players. The Cordarrelle “I’ve smoked more weed then all you did in your lifetimes combined” Patterson selection proved to be terrible as he was solely relying on his kick return prowess. However, Patterson went nowhere, much like Severino’s team appears to be going. That is however unless pretty boy Tom Brady can lead the New England Patriots to the promise land once again. He will then pair Brady up with K Steven Gostkowski on that journey. He will also need good performances from Ronnie Hillman and Randall Cobb, along with Cameron Artis-Payne doing something whether Jonathan Stewart plays or not. It doesn’t look good for Severino but this may have been foretold from the start as he emailed Commish Steve DeAngelo back saying “I’m Shot, but I’m in” when responding to his participation in this year’s tournament. New found fatherhood can do that to a man.

Projected Points in Divisional Round: 74

Last year’s Champ Evan Swalling sits in last place with just 23.3 points, but does boast having the most remaining players with 10 left. Evan, who was doubted by many even after winning last year’s title had the #1 pick and selected Carson Palmer who he will need to make a run to the SB. He also has the Cards D, so this is vital for his team. He will need Jonathan Stewart to return healthy this week against the Seahawks and then advance to play the Cards in the NFC Title game. Losing Adrian Peterson, his 2nd pick was tough, especially when only finished with 6.3 points. The rest of the team is completely suspect other than the great Brazilian sensation Cairo “Barry” Santos. If KC can make a miracle run to the SB, coupled with Carson, Zona D and some good performances from Jonathan Stewart, Evan may have a shot at the money. It just doesn’t seem likely this year.

Projected Points in Divisional Round: 79

That’s it, we hope to have an update after the Divisional round, as we will have a much clearer picture of who will be truly contending for the title. We will discuss the contenders and briefly discuss the losers. In the meantime, have a great week and enjoy the games this weekend.

FantasySavvy 2015: WR Tiers

WR Tiers

Calvin could easily be the #1 Fantasy WR again, but it’s doubtful because he is usually missing a few games a year and Matt Stafford is just too erratic. Jeremy Maclin is being undervalued to me. I think he gets a ton of catches with Smith. Edelman is also being undervalued, especially now with Brady reportedly back for Week 1, I think he could be in for a career year. Edelman continues  to get better and better.

Jordan Matthews may be going a little high, will see, Agholor could be the go to guy in the offense. Amari Cooper could be the next big thing in Oakland. He is a pure receiver.

Perriman, Parker are two rookies who are going late and still could have big impacts this year. Stevie Johnson will revive his career with Philip Rivers, the best QB he’s ever played with.

I like Ty Montgomery to emerge as the #3 in Green Bay, Green-Beckham, Funchess and Dorsett could all have instant impact. I like Dorsett the most, since he should take that 3 spot in Indy.

Don’t sleep on Sammie Coates, reports are terrible on him coming out of training camp, but he arguably is better than Markus Wheaton. He reminds me of Randy Moss a bit. Can Cordarrelle Patterson revive his hype? Probably not, but for your last pick, there is a whole lot of potential still there.

Kenny Bell ,Tampa Bay is an ultra sleeper, so much talent, just needs some burn and I think he will succeed. It may take him 2 to 3 years though. Also watch out for Tyler Lockett, he could be Green Bay’s version of Randall Cobb in a few years.

Tier 1

Antonio Brown, Dez Bryant, Demaryious Thomas, Odell Beckham Jr., Julio Jones

Tier 2

Calvin Johnson, A.J Green, Randall Cobb, T.Y. Hilton

Tier 3

Mike Evans, Brandin Cooks, Emmanuel Sanders, Julian Edelman, DeAndre Hopkins, Alshon Jeffrey

Tier 4

Jordan Matthews, Andre Johnson, Jeremy Maclin, Sammy Watkins, Brandon Marshall,

Tier 5

Amari Cooper, Charles Johnson, Golden Tate, Nelson Agholor, Jarvis Landry, Martavis Bryant, Davante Adams

Tier 6

Allen Robinson, Vincent Jackson, Mike Wallace, Roddy White, Anquan Boldin, Steve Smith, John Brown, Kendall Wright, Larry Fitzgerald, DeSean Jackson, Keenan Allen, Markus Wheaton

Tier 7

Marques Colston, Eric Decker, Michael Floyd, Torrey Smith, Brandon LaFell, Reggie Wayne, Stevie Johnson, Davante Parker, Terrance Williams, Breshard Perriman, Marquess Wilson

Tier 8

Victor Cruz, Dorial Green-Beckham, Doug Baldwin, Ty Montgomery, Brian Quick, Devin Funchess, Phillip Dorsett, Pierre Garcon, Cole Beasley, Brandon Coleman, Percy Harvin, Philly Brown,

Tier 9

Cody Latimer, Donte Moncrief, Malcom Floyd, Marvin Jones, Mohammad Sanu, Allen Hurns, Cecil Shorts, Michael Crabtree, Kenny Bell, Cordarrelle Patterson, Albert Wilson, Ruben Randle, James Jones, Sammie Coates, Tyler Lockett

Tier 10

Justin Hunter, Andrew Hawkins, Stedman Bailey, Jermaine Kearse, Brian Hartline, Robert Woods, Eddie Royal, Dwayne Bowe, Brandon Gibson, Danny Amendola, Devin Hester, Jerricho Cotchery, Jeff Janis, Andre Holmes

Tier 11

Kenny Britt, Jalen Strong, Justin Hardy, Marlon Brown, Kamar Aiken, Ace Sanders, Rod Streater, Quinton Patton